The Impossibility of Moving On.

I'm listening to "I Can't Make You Love Me" right now, by Bonnie Raitt. It's the kind of song which will hit you where it hurts the most, if you've "been there". Sometimes things just don't work out. You might be the one at fault, or it may be her (or him), or maybe...nobody's to blame and things just weren't meant to be. The last scenario happens way too often. Alas, that's life.

When things end, people are always very quick to ask us to move on, as if it's the easiest thing to do. Like putting down a really heavy stone. But it's not like that at all because the thing that's actually holding you back the most are the memories you shared and the feelings you felt when you were together with that person. Those things aren't physical things. They exist in our head, and in our heart, and that's what makes the process all the more difficult.

Moving on implies leaving something or someplace behind. But thing about memories and feelings is that we can't always control how they work. They might be triggered by random objects, phrases, places, songs, absolutely anything. And I think deep down, we actually like recalling the memories...even when it hurts us, because it's those memories which are proof that we are alive and that at that time, the relationship meant something.

And as such, we find ourselves pining for something that's already gone. We think to ourselves...maybe if we do this, or if we do that, or if we set ourselves on fire, or if we...the mind goes crazy with all the possibilities. It'll hit us when we least expect it. It'll hit us when we don't want it to...late at night when it's cold and you're all alone instead of being on the phone like you guys used to do.

The worst part is that the more emotionally-invested you are, the worst you feel about having that thing that you treasured more than anything else in the whole wide world being taken away from you.

You may think you've moved on...but have you really? I guess what does happen is that as time goes by, these pangs of longing hits you less and less, to the point where it becomes a fleeting memory; something that's happened to someone else. But then again, do you really want to move on? Deep down in your heart, do you want to forget?

Moving on is hard, and for me personally, sort of impossible, I guess. Maybe given more time. What you can do however, is to move forward. Moving forward means taking the necessary steps to get better. So something bad has happened - sure, you can mope about it and be sad. You can sit in the darkness, under your blanket, afraid and shaking. But at the end of the day, at some point, you've got to move forward. You'll relapse, definitely, but you move forward anyway. You move forward because that's the only thing you can do to get better. You trudge through the dark cave, searching for the damn exit, hoping for better things at the other side.

So feel free to not move on. "Moving on" is overrated; your memories aren't. Hold on to those memories and look back at them fondly. Learn your lessons and acknowledge that maybe you were at fault too. Grow up and become better. The person that you are now is because of the person that you were then, and the person that you will become will be because of the person that you are now. You will be shaped not by your past, but what you do in the present.

So move forward. Don't let anything stop you.

PS: I don't know whether I made sense. I was typing in a frenzy, and when I look back, I think I do, but I'm not sure. Either way, I hope that I connected to some of you who might be having problems of one sort or the other. I'm not some sort of expert on this topic, and I'm just drawing from my limited personal experience. Anyway, do check out the song I mentioned at the start because it's mind-blowingly good.

We live life standing up.

I'm a big fan of stand-up comedy. It's one of the purest and most personal forms of entertainment. It's just a guy or girl on a stage with a mic, talking about stuff. What stuff? All kinds of stuff, really. The thing about life is that if you really think about it, it's one big joke (kind of), and if you fail to laugh at it, then you're sort of missing out. The most talented stand-up comedians can make anything funny. The best ones force you to think about stuff in whole new ways...on top of being really really funny.

Here are some of the comics that I greatly enjoy, with a nice little clip of one of their performances. They're not the most accessible jokes, but they're intelligent. They have layers. Some comedians do jokes which rely on catchphrases, vulgar language, gross stuff or just sex. Uhh...no thanks.

1) Louis CK talks about the wonders of the basic life.



Louis CK is perhaps the most-admired comedian right now. He's been churning out fresh material every year, which are of consistently high-quality. Most of his comedy deals with being a white middle-aged man, in a world which doesn't seem to recognize that white middle-aged man can have their own issues too. As a divorced-father, he also does material on how he deals with having two young daughters, and it's outrageously funny. He's brash with his material, and will say the shittiest stuff, but there's always some veiled sense of class behind it. Heck, he's the only guy who can make a good duck vagina joke.

He also has a show on FX, Louie, which he directs, produces, writes and stars in - absolute creative freedom. It's into it's third season already and it's garnered plenty of awards.

2) Jim Gaffigan likes McDonald's and so do you.



Jim Gaffigan is an exaggeration of the typical American. He likes to talk about food, being lazy, being fat, food...yeah, that's about it. But it's pretty fucking great. He typically employs a second-voice in his comedy, a sort of proxy for what the audience is actually thinking. His comedy relies on our inert need to over-indulge in this modern age, and while we are grossed-out or repulsed by the things he says, a really really big part of us are like...yeah, that's true, I do love cake more than my dog.

3) Chris Rock lays down the hard truths about love.



When it comes to observations about life and love, I think no one can beat Chris Rock. If we look beyond his loudness and the foul language, we actually see some very profound and well-organized thoughts which ring very very true. His pet topics include relationships and racism, and there was this brilliant piece he did on gun violence. There's also a lot of sincerity in his delivery which is probably because of his background - he started off a nobody and he's build himself up and up.

4) George Carlin doesn't care much about saving the planet.



George Carlin's sense of humour comes from a very dark place. He points out the shortcomings of society and he touches on controversial topics like politics, consumerism and religion...especially religion. When you listen to his comedy, you'll laugh out really loudly, but at the same time, it pushes you to think about bigger questions. It forces you to reconsider the status quo and question the way the world works. Of course, one shouldn't take everything he says too seriously, but it is coherent, at the very least.

Some people say George Carlin is a very grumpy old man, but I think he's hopeful? There's sometimes a sense of optimism in the things that he says, it's as if he's trying to get us to reconsider our position on life, and he believes that through his comedy, he can do so. To some extent, he did.

5) Donald Glover would rather have AIDS than kids.



You may know him better as Troy from Community, or the rapper Childish Gambino, or one of the writers for 30 Rock. Donald Glover's a really funny guy who just wants to do a whole lot of stuff. One of these stuff is stand-up, which I think he's reasonably good at. He's a single, young minority, and maybe that's why I can relate to him better. His delivery is very animated and colourful, and as with all great comics, his jokes are fresh enough to make me want to see more of him.

So that's it for my list. Looking back on the list, I realize that all my favourite stand-ups are male, but then again, the industry is sort of dominated by them. I've always wanted to be a stand-up comedian. One of these days, I might give it a shot, but for now, I'll write here, even though I guess I'm not truly funny here, am I? Oh well. You can follow me on Twitter @howtoraymond.

That's it for me today. See you tomorrow, same time. Happy Monday!

Everything they wrote.

When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time reading. I'd force my dad or uncle to bring me to the library or the bookstore, and when I got old enough, I'd go to these places by myself. I'd get lost in the bookshelves, picking up books at random and then devouring them with enthusiasm. I learned a lot of things in between the shelves, and in between the covers, and in between the lines. Reading really opened up my mind and my imagination and in a way, it shaped the way I think.

Heck, everything I know about puberty was picked up from the section on anatomy in the old NLB.

Every book is a story and stories make sense. Having read so much, I approach life as if it is a story, even now at the age of 23, and as if everything should make sense, and as if I'm the protagonist. There will be obstacles, sure, but these obstacles are actually there to pave the way for a better ending - to make me stronger, tougher, and whatnot. I'm still far from the end of my story, so whether my life will unfold like one is still something that remains to be seen.

I want to say that everyone should read, but that's an over-generalization I don't have the authority to make. What I can definitely say though, is that reading is definitely good for you. It'll improve your language - as you read more books (which are written and edited by professionals), you get a better grasp of the various nuances of the English language, and even if you don't know the rules of it (like me), you develop a sixth-sense which will go off when something feels...well, for the lack of better word, off. I guess you'll improve your writing too, though I'm not sure to what extent.

Reading also helps expand your mind and your heart. Every new book delivers a dosage of information which you may not have been purview to before, things which you may not learn by just going to school. And this sort of differs from the more visual arts like cinema and television for the prime reason that authors are often quite generous with their descriptions, and they don't skimp on details.

Expanding your heart comes from the different point of views that books adapt. For fiction books, each book follows the steps of a unique protagonist, and some books (like the ASoiIaF series) even offer multiple point of views. It's the closest thing you can get to literally being in someone else's shoe. The truly best books have you relating to the character's feeling, empathizing with his aspirations and going through his struggles. I feel that books gives you an understanding of people which other media simply can't express.

Last but not least, books give you a very good grounding in the systems which dictate our lives. Okay, what do I mean by this? If you think about it, everything in our life is a story. From the things the theories that we're learning in school to why people behave in certain ways. Everything has a beginning, middle and conclusion. Everything has a message, everyone has a motivation, and every action has a consequence. Reading gives you the ability to recognize things for what they are and identify some of the truly important things others might miss at first glance.

You can also adopt this story-telling into your daily life - knowing how story works will make your conversations better. When you're recounting something to someone, you'd know how to begin and how to end in a satisfactory manner. Let's not stop at conversations - even presentations and reports have a story to tell. There is a beginning, an end, and everything in the middle is there to hold our hands as we journey to the end.

So I've made my points. I guess it just saddens me that people don't read, and with this post, I'm trying to encourage people to read more by highlighting only a few of the important takeaways of reading. People get busy with life, and work, or drown themselves in the more convenient forms of entertainment to the point where reading is no longer a part of their lives, when it fact, it should be. There are also people who dismiss reading as a thing you do when you're in school, but it's more than that. It's healthy entertainment. Given the right books, your life can fucking change.

When I started this post, I actually wanted to simply recommend a few books which I've read, and which I think people might be interested in. I guess that'll be up on another day. In writing the opening paragraphs though, I found myself talking about reading and as I went on, I found that there were simply too many things that had to be said. If you've read this far, then good for you. You're taking steps in the right direction. Thank you for bearing with me and my writing, which is so far from perfect that I'm literally shaking at the thought of putting it up for people to read...but this is the only way I'll get better.

Now go grab a good book.

Iron Meh - A Review

So I managed to catch Iron Man 3 yesterday. There was some school event, and my friend won tickets, so it was free. If there's one thing you should know about me, I don't say no to free stuff. Despite not having caught the first two movies, I went anyway. Besides, I knew enough about Iron Man from the Marvel lore - super rich genius gets hurt and builds himself an artificial heart (or something) and a suit, and fights bad guys. Classic.

On a whole, it was a good action and superhero movie. If you're into that sort of thing, it's worth a watch. It's also a worthy-addition to the library of Marvel movies and I think it retains the good parts of The Avengers movie (and the bad parts too) while at the same time, differentiating itself as an Iron Man movie.

The action sequences were excellent - well-done, well-coordinated and well-paced. Every half an hour or so, there'll be a sequence that'll keep you on the edge of your seat. There's this really interesting gimmick where Tony Stark can sort of summon parts of his armor to him using some magnets he implanted on himself which is utilized to full effectiveness and to maximum coolness.

The performances were quite good. Robert Downey Jr pulls off the snarky smug lines with aplomb. The movie also gives him a chance to exhibit a more vulnerable side, I guess, and its interesting to see. His relationship with his former assistant, now-wife/fiancee, Pepper Potts (the most retarded name in the history of history) is strained somewhat, and the movie explores the dynamics of their relationship in a very interesting way. Speaking of Pepper Potts, Gwyneth Paltrow looked really great in the movie. Her acting was okay, I guess.

I think that the direction the movie was going for was great. The movie centres around Tony Stark dealing with his demons - the ones he created in the past when he was (more of an) asshole, and the newly-created ones which come about as a result of the Iron Man suit, and the stark (heh) reality of what is out there, which is a great callback to the climax of The Avengers movie. It's about a man being pushed to the brink, and struggling to hold on to what's important in his life.

It sounds really cool on paper, but the problems with the movie is that it doesn't push this idea far enough. If you're going to go dark, you need to go all the way. While Tony Stark does grow and change in the movie, this all feels superficial. I'm not sure whether it's a result of poor execution, or poor storytelling, but yeah, it all felt quite hollow. Imagine a really nice cake, with great icing and all...but the cake itself tastes bland.

The antagonist of the movie, and the general plot line is quite weak. It makes sense, and has some really good ideas, such as the re-imagination of The Mandarin, but it wasn't pushed enough. Maybe I'm expecting to much from an action flick, but it'd be nice if the bad guys had been developed better.

A big part of making a blockbuster, is that it has to satisfy the expectations of the normal consumer. It can't be too complicated, and it HAS to have really great action scenes. This means that the characters make really really questionable decisions simply because it sets up the action. For example, at the end, Pepper Potts kicks ass...simply to give her an opportunity to do so. The superficial stuff take precedence over the important stuff, at times, and in my mind, I'm thinking..."Why didn't you just do that instead, and finished the bad guy off?" Some of the things that transpire just leave you scratching your head, or in my case, pointing my middle finger at the screen.

On the whole, Iron Man is a good movie. It's smart, well-produced, well-shot, well-executed, but it's hampered by the need to have complicated action sequences and the fear of pushing the characters too far for the comfort of the regular-movie goer. If you see yourself as just a dude who wants to watch a nice blockbuster, then this is perfect. If you're more discerning, then lower your expectations, and enjoy the nice ride.

Here, enjoy some nice Avengers and Iron Man fanart. After the fanart, I'll be talking about more specific points of the movie, and there will be spoilers, so if you intend to watch it, turn back here.

Okay, serious talk now. I have serious problems with the story. After the movie, I told my friend that I didn't really like it, but I wasn't able to verbalize my grouses. Let me try again here.

I think a problem with the story is that it scratches the surface of many issues which are relevant today, but it doesn't go any deeper. There's a conspiracy going on, and there's terrorism involved, and there's some evil ex-girlfriend involved...all interesting ideas which doesn't really come together, and doesn't really fit nicely with the overall theme of Iron Man confronting his demons. Maybe it was their idea to not dive into certain details...but the thing is, they did try to elaborate on certain things...but barely.

Tony Stark doesn't really grow in the movie either. In the beginning, it looked really promising - he was having problems with Pepper Potts, he was developing an unhealthy obsession over his Iron Man costumes, and it's revealed that he was experiencing some anxiety-disorder post-Avengers. What he goes through in this movie doesn't really address those issues. He is presented with a problem (terrorist messing with him), and he overcomes it but not in a way which deals with his existing issues (his psychological and relationship).

When Tony Stark decides to destroy all his suits, it feels like a cheap throwaway movie which was not earned. And this move feels even more needless because we know for sure that he'll put on this suits again, somehow, and that will be the plot of the subsequent movie.

Another poor decision was the move to turn the movie into a sort-of therapy session by Tony Stark. The movie begins with him taking us back to 1999, to his past. It feels quite personal and intense. Fast-forward to the end of the movie, where Marvel usually show some post-credit teaser. Instead of showing the usual cool teaser of the upcoming movies, they show Tony talking to a psychiatrist. It's revealed that he's been talking to a psychiatrist the whole time. And the psychiatrist was asleep. What the shit. Maybe they added this post-production to add a whole new layer of "depth" to the movie, but it felt like a cheap method of exposition.

There's also this weird comic-like credit sequence at the end where they go through the stars of the show, reprising the cooler scenes, with cool music in the background. It's nice and well-made...but it's not what the movie is. It's in total conflict with the struggles Tony Stark goes through, and it feels like an easy way of making the audience think that the past 2 hours were cooler than it actually was, when in fact, the movie was darker. Again, I suspect that this is a post-production add on.

On a deeper level, I guess this is what happens when a movie is moulded by the hands of many, with the express purpose of making excellent profit. It was good but it was mired down by the things which make a movie profitable. It's kind of ironic (heh), but as they say in Hollywood, "That's Hollywood".

And that's it for me. If you've read all the way, then thank you. I think I wrote a bit too much. Reading back, I think I went on for too long on certain things, but I did say what I wanted to say. I was thinking of cutting out too much things, but I didn't in the end, because I didn't know what I could cut out. I hope you enjoyed my review and if you have any thoughts, do comment. My writing style is...lacking, but I'm optimistic that if I do this enough, I'll make a breakthrough. 

See you tomorrow. Same time. 1145.

Premarital Stuff

I don't 'like' the Confessions page on FB, but I must admit that I do visit it on occasions. From what I see, there's an intense discussion going on at the moment about premarital sex. I haven't been following the discussion, but I do have some thoughts which I'd like to share, and maybe through this, I can add a new dimension to the debate.

Or not, but here goes nothing.

There are a few commonly-cited reasons for not having sex before marriage. Some cite religion and tradition, and some say that they want to save themselves for that special person. I see merits in these points of views, and I can't argue against them, for they are, after all, point of views, and we each have our own. However, let's just take a few minutes to consider where these points of views may have originated from.

Now in the good (or bad) old days, there was no such thing as protection or pills or abortion. This meant that when you fuck a girl (or get fucked by a guy), you do so both literally and figuratively. You're not just having sex - you're also transferring diseases and more importantly, making a baby. We often take for granted the fact that biological function of sex is not to make us feel good, it's to produce another human being. And that's a pretty fucking big deal.

It's not just between you and the other person - the whole community is dragged into it, and your parents have to pay shit, and the village has to do stuff, and so on and so forth, and what if your baby grows up to be an asshole, and which school will he go to, and I can go on, but I won't because by now I'm pretty sure you get my point.

Over the years, thanks to our friends at Durex and whatever pharmaceutical companies make morning-after pills, this has become less of a worry. It's still a worry, don't get me wrong, but it has become SIGNIFICANTLY less so. To illustrate with cake, if you can have cake without getting really really fat, would you have cake every day? Most probably maybe.

Another thing that we also have to consider is that marriage simply doesn't unfold like how it used to. In the past (and to an extent, parts of the world today), people got married really young. Before their 20s. I'm 23 right now and marriage hasn't even crossed my mind. Even if I had a girlfriend, I don't think I'll be considering marriage in the next five years. At my most optimistic, I'll be getting married at 28. That's an awfully long time to wait...especially considering that sex is one of our prime urges as a species.

Now, I'm not a proponent of premarital sex. I don't even think it's something you can be a proponent of. All I'm trying to say, I guess, is that the nature of sex has changed and because of this, from the point of view of some people, premarital sex is just fine. And just for the sake of not-being-a-cop-out, let me state my position explicitly: I'm totally okay with it.

There is something romantic about holding out for that special person though, and if you choose to hold out until marriage, and if you find someone who's willing to do so as well, then good for you. If you find someone who is willing to do the same weird and nasty shit you're into, then good for you too.

And on that point: while premarital sex is okay by me, I'm not cool with the cavalier attitude some people have towards it. Some people forget that it takes two to clap, and they get so self-absorbed in fulfilling their own need, that they forget that another party is involved, and that person may not have the same emotional leaning, and it'll all end with somebody getting hurt real bad.

At the end of the day, sex is this weird, complicated, shitty, wonderful, sometimes logistically-difficult thing. It's a very big part of our lives, yet we can't speak very freely about it, because of certain social taboos. What's important to remember is that each one of us has our individual beliefs and attitudes towards it. We have to RESPECT them, and this is especially important when you're in a relationship and you find out that your attitudes aren't compatible. Relationships can fall apart or be made stronger by it; it all depends on the level of understanding between the pair.

Source: weheartit.com

So yeah, make love...or don't. Feel free to do whatever...or not. Just respect each other and spread happiness (and not AIDS).

Welcome Here.

What is 'here'?

'Here' is One One Four Five, a blog. As the name suggests, all posts will be posted at that time, in the evening. 1145pm is magical time where people are either beginning to wind down their day or are revving up for the adventures that the night will bring. It's a time of transition and change, where nothing is quite happening, yet you know that something will happen. Something has to.

In that space of time, I hope that you can drop by here and read whatever it is that I've decided to talk about. I'll do reviews, stories, commentaries, and whatnot. That's not very focused, I know, but I don't really have anything in particular that I want to talk about so badly that I need to dedicate a blog to it. I guess to put it simply, I'll be talking about myself. If that sounds slightly self-centred, then let it be. We're all self-centred to some extent, and maybe I'm more self-centred than other people, but then again, maybe I'm just saying that because...okay, this line of argument is going nowhere, so I'll drop it.

I'm a university student studying business in Singapore. I like to read, run and write, things which begin with the letter 'R', as I like to sometimes joke. I like watching shows, listening to music and going to cafes. That might seem really ordinary, but I only watch certain shows, and listen to certain music and go to certain cafes. I make it a rule to automatically discount anything the masses value as "good". Yes, I am sort of pretentious.

While I'm currently in a business school, I do want to be a writer in the future, and I'm hoping that updating this blog religiously will provide excellent practice. I hope too that I will gain some following, earn some bragging rights, and get my name out there for people to recognize. Never let it be said that I dream small.

It's summer at the moment, so I'm on holiday, at least until my internship starts two weeks from now. I don't have a girlfriend, but I have had romantic encounters, in the various definitions of the term. I'm looking though! If you know anyone who likes to read, watch cool shows and listen to music, and talk about life really really extensively, do introduce them to me. You'll make two people really happy.

Okay, it's almost time. I'm going to go off for a run. I'll see you tomorrow. Remember the time: One One Four Five.