Broken Pottery

I was doing some thinking earlier today on the nature of our lives as human beings. What if when we come out of our mothers' wombs, it's like a....perfect pot falling from a height. A fetus is pretty much perfect, pure, but when it enters this world, it changes to become something entirely different. It's shattered by it's environment, it's upbringing, it's circumstances until it finally becomes what it is.

What if a lot of the things in life are decided not by us, but by life, and we come into the world with a lot of things already laid out for us. Like a broken pottery - when it hits the ground, there's no way of telling what the broken pieces will look like, but it's still the same old pot, and the broken pieces are beautiful in it's own way.

What if our mission in life is to make sense of the fallen pieces. We're broken. We're so fucking far from perfect, but that in itself, is perfection, and we've just got to make sense of it. For example, when you look at clouds, you may see clouds, but you may also see a face, and it's up to us to see that. Ughh, i'm not sure whether I'm making sense. My head hurts like crazy.

I'm getting really frustrated with Illustrator, and Photoshop. Why can't we have one software doing both, seriously. Toggling between them is...terrible. I'm starting to realize that I may have too much on my plate.

Just think about it.

I took the bus home, and on this ride, this girl who was quite pretty sat beside me. She sat beside me because all the other seats were taken. As the ride went on, more people left the bus. 

Seats became vacant, and pretty soon, the upper deck of the bus where we were sitting was mostly empty. Yet, she stayed by my side. If it was me, I would have moved so that I had two-seats to myself...but maybe that's just me. 

The ride was a long one and she sat by me the whole way. We were close enough, such that our arms were touching, but it wasn't weird or creepy or gross - I guess it was just there. It was nice. 

I was reading this book by Kurt Vonnegut called "God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian". I've read most of his stuff, but not this one. I don't know why I've waited so long. It's such a good book. It's a series of fictional interviews with dead people. The dead say interesting things, at least, that's what he assumes.

He said that Hitler regretted everything that he's done. And that Newton is irritated that he didn't discover relativity, or evolution. He also brought up people that I've never heard of. Did you know that the only successful genocide in human history was in Tasmania? I hope that such atrocities won't happen again.

So at that bus, on my way home, on a relatively peaceful evening, I had a book in my hands, and there was a pretty girl beside me. She was real, and in that quiet thirty minutes, we were side by side. From time to time, I tried to sneak a look at her, but I could never find the opportunity. 

I got off the bus before she did. As I was seating on the inside, I had to say "Excuse me,". She didn't say anything in response - she just shifted a little to make room for my exit. I hope that she found the bus ride to be a nice one too. May she have a nice evening, and may all of you have one, too. 

Peace.

Ghost Protocol

Just watched it. I was really hyped up because I suddenly recalled this HIMYM episode where they were using it as an adjective to describe something really awesome. It's okay, on the whole. Some set pieces were excellent, while didn't really have a good payoff. I thought that the story was quite difficult to follow, and once you do follow it, it's not that interesting. The characters were likable enough as individuals, but they didn't really come together. Still, awesome action sequences...the beginning was great but the movie wasn't able to sustain it.

Oh well.

Missing.

I missed yesterday's post and today's post too. Trust me, I didn't wish for it to happen, but that's just how things turn out. I wish I had more time in the day. I think that once again, I'm trying to cover way too much ground for my own good. I have...a constant stream of things that I should be doing at the back of my mind.

Anyway, I'm really jealous of people who don't have to exercise. I literally work my ass off to be like this. And I'm so far away from my ideal that trying feels pointless, and I feel like giving up. The only thing that's stopping me is the fact that I know that if I stop, the alternative is going to be much worse. I'm just maintaining, or at least, it feels that way. Other people don't even have to try....and here I am, trying my hardest and not getting there. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but man, at least I'm trying. And that's how I know that the world is not fair. 

Also, my internet's acting funny once again. It causes me to lose sleep, literally, because there are things that I'm trying to get done, but my slow (or lack of) internet connection is preventing me from doing so. I spent more time than I need to just staring at my computer being fucked up. It's screwed really. I think technology should work perfectly all the time, and if it doesn't, somebody should be punished. But that's now how it works. Technology fucks with you for no reason...and that's how I know God doesn't exist.

So I said two things that I know to be true, somewhat, using everyday occurrences. Maybe I'm making a leap of logic somewhere. Sometimes, when things like this happens, all I want to do is literally smash my head against the wall. Or throw my laptop to the ground. Or something. I don't know what to believe and that sucks. 

Okay, I'm out. This thing isn't turning out at all like what I had in mind.

Levels.

Yesterday evening, I went to hang out with a few of my previous orientation kids at this place called Sunset Bar and Grill. Sounds familiar? It's the place which sells the infamous super duper spicy buffalo wings - wings which are hot enough to make you cry. It's a foodie-challenge of sorts, and it's definitely not for the faint of heart. I've heard rumour of people going to the hospital after eating the wings, so yeah, how could I not give it a try?

The place sells the wings at ten levels of spiciness - 1 being the least spicy (you only cry a bit), and 10 being the most (your tongue hates you forever). There's a hidden level 35 which isn't on the menu, and I guess rightly so. After eating levels 4 and 6, I can't imagine anyone going at 10, let alone 35.

Let's talk about getting there first. It's at Jalan Kayu, which is in the middle of nowhere. I got there by taking the train to Serangoon, and then taking a bus from there. You can take a bus from a few other stations, but the point is, it's notoriously difficult to get to. It's one of those enclaves which mostly cater to the nearby residents and people who drive. From Serangoon, I took another 30-odd minutes just to get there. As the bus moved out of Seragoon, the scenery grew more unfamiliar, and before I knew it, I had no clue where I was. I was really scared that I would miss my stop - so just make sure you stay aware.

Anyway, back to the restaurant. The place is quite nice, in itself. Not too many people, and the staff was nice enough. The food was notoriously expensive though, which is a big minus for me. But we were there for the wings, so we ignored most of the other things on the menu and zoomed in on the wings.

The first plate we ordered was Level 4. Each serving has 6 wings - our group had 7, but one of us really couldn't take spicy stuff, so it was just nice. The wings themselves are quite okay in size...but they're red as shit. Like devil claws on a plate.They looked harmless enough. I was excited, and the first bite was a literal eye-opener. The spiciness gets to you right at the start. It tastes quite nice, at first, but then you start to feel the chilli getting to you. I started to sweat soon, and my mouth was on fire. 

Level 4. Easy peasy.

I'm the kind of guy who doesn't mind getting his hands dirty, so I used my hands to savour the chicken. Turns out that you're not supposed to do so though; the chilli is spicy enough to burn your fingers. Whoops. 

I was sweating. I used copious amounts of tissue to wipe my sweat, and drank about a glass of water. It wasn't that bad. I managed to finish the wing with little trouble.We all did actually, so we ordered two levels up - Level 6. The difference was apparent from the beginning - the smell hit us first. You can actually smell the spiciness. And what's more, you can see that it's a shitload redder than before. Devil's claws stained with the blood of a dragon, or something. 

Devil Claws.

Look at that sauce.

This time, I didn't dare to use my hands. The first bite was fine...but as I tore at the chicken, my mouth burned, and I started to sweat like (I was in) hell. My skin felt hot, and if I wasn't so tanned, I'm sure I would have flushed. I started dripping, literally, onto the table, and my collar became wet from the sweat from the back of my neck. I drank more water than before, and my eyes became bloodshot. It was...hot. So freaking hot. 

I don't usually do selfies but this felt like an exception which had to be made.

Everybody was having some sort of reaction to the dish, so yeah, it's not one that's to be underestimated. We asked for water, and then more water. The lady there was nice enough to accommodate. We spent about $11, and each person had about 3 wings (one normal, one level 4 and one level 6) and we shared one starter. We wisely continued dinner and desserts somewhere else. (That somewhere else is Greenwich V, which is this quite atas mall in the middle of nowhere made just to cater to the neighbourhood).

Anyway, I figure the post should end here, but of course, the wings had after effects. My stomach felt really queasy afterwards, like a volcano, I guess. I didn't dare go for a run because...I might get the runs. Anyway, I went to sleep without problem, but when I woke up this morning...it was bad. I took a shit 3 times. It was as if there was another flush inside my stomach (flush-ception) trying to get the spiciness out of my system.

Even now, my stomach is...acting suspiciously, but nothing too bad.

Okay, I'll leave here. I'm still stressed about non-work stuff, which shouldn't be the way right? I'm just afraid I won't be able to do things well, I guess. Work's been good to me - I'm enjoying it immensely, but that's the life of an intern, maybe. Okay, I'm out.

Won't you stay?

Let's just hang here, okay? Me, and you if you're reading this. It's been a long day. I'm really tired. I feel like I should go out for a run, lose some of the fats I've accumulated over the past day. I get fatter very easily you see. It's bad, but what can I do? That's the hand I've been dealt with. I'm very tired though, and I just ate some really spicy chicken wings. My stomach is all fire and brimstone - if I go for a run, I might puke. That, and I'm tired too. I'm so damn tired right now.

It's only Monday. Gosh, it's only Monday. Actually, I don't really mind work. Work is when I'm most at ease. It's after work when things go crazy. I still have too many things on my mind, too many things that I want to do. I really do wish that there were more hours in the day. I'm rarely at ease, and when I am, it's temporary, and it's not real, in the sense that there is always something looming at the back of my mind, saying that I shouldn't be doing whatever I'm doing at that given moment. I'm here, but at the same time I'm not.

I'm starting to miss being plain relaxed. I wish that the things I had to do came easy to me...but it doesn't. Let's be frank, I'm not any good...yet. So in addition to actually getting things done, there's the painful step of pulling your body to the point where you're confident enough to get things done. Maybe I should just go and do it, but what if everything is all for naught plainly because I'm not at the stage where I'm ready. I'm terrible.

So what now? I don't know. I should just go to sleep. That might be the problem right there - insufficient sleep. Is rest all I need to solve all my problems? Will it give me the ability to fight on tomorrow, with renewed vigour? Or am I just looking for a way out of getting things done. Am I just lazy? Am I just plain old terrible? I'm fully aware that I'm sounding like the whiniest person in the world right now. The truth is that I am. I should change.

Okay, I'll leave here. I can't even blog properly. The days are passing me by. I'm not getting any closer to accomplishing any of the things I set out to accomplish. That's not cool.

:(

I wish I didn't sign up for certain things. Or perhaps that I was more efficient. Gah. Hate this. Sorry. Random. It's 11 plus, and I'm at school doing work. There's memories that I want to forget, but somehow, they keep coming back to me. That was what I wanted to write about today. But as luck would have it, I have too much stuff to do to actually get to doing that. But maybe it's for the better.