Missing.

I missed yesterday's post and today's post too. Trust me, I didn't wish for it to happen, but that's just how things turn out. I wish I had more time in the day. I think that once again, I'm trying to cover way too much ground for my own good. I have...a constant stream of things that I should be doing at the back of my mind.

Anyway, I'm really jealous of people who don't have to exercise. I literally work my ass off to be like this. And I'm so far away from my ideal that trying feels pointless, and I feel like giving up. The only thing that's stopping me is the fact that I know that if I stop, the alternative is going to be much worse. I'm just maintaining, or at least, it feels that way. Other people don't even have to try....and here I am, trying my hardest and not getting there. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but man, at least I'm trying. And that's how I know that the world is not fair. 

Also, my internet's acting funny once again. It causes me to lose sleep, literally, because there are things that I'm trying to get done, but my slow (or lack of) internet connection is preventing me from doing so. I spent more time than I need to just staring at my computer being fucked up. It's screwed really. I think technology should work perfectly all the time, and if it doesn't, somebody should be punished. But that's now how it works. Technology fucks with you for no reason...and that's how I know God doesn't exist.

So I said two things that I know to be true, somewhat, using everyday occurrences. Maybe I'm making a leap of logic somewhere. Sometimes, when things like this happens, all I want to do is literally smash my head against the wall. Or throw my laptop to the ground. Or something. I don't know what to believe and that sucks. 

Okay, I'm out. This thing isn't turning out at all like what I had in mind.