The Strangest Fears

I have some strange fears and this post is dedicated to three of them. They may not be rational, but I'm still afraid of them anyway, because I know I have terrible luck. Also, I'm hugely pessimistic. We try to be careful, but being careful only lessens the probability; it doesn't eradicate that probability completely. Scary, no?

Falling backwards on an escalator.

There's this escalator at the Bras Basah MRT station which is frighteningly long. It's like...that song, stairway to heaven. What will happen if I fall backwards while I'm on the escalator? It won't be so bad at a regular escalator, but on the Bras Basah one, the escalator goes several levels. If I fall backwards, I'll be falling for a really long time. And I'll knock the people behind me over as well, and we're all go down together, like dominoes being struck by a bowling ball.

Let me hold the escalator handles with two hands, from now on. Or maybe stand further into the step of the escalator, with my shoes firmly dug into the next step.

Throwing away my handphone or wallet.

My handphone and wallet are very important parts of me. My handphone connects me to the world and my wallets lets me do shit. I use my handphone to connect, to play games, to tweet, to read the news...to everything. And my wallet contains my access pass to move around school, my money, and my other cards. Important things, yes, but the problem is that they can't fit very well into the pockets of my pants - at least, not without leaving a huge bulge and making walking just uncomfortable. 

So I hold them in my hands. When I throw things into the rubbish bin, I fear that I will inadvertently dispose of these very important things as well. And then I'll have to rummage through shit to get them back. Gulp.

Fainting in the dark.

I've started running at night again. I've been running regularly for years now actually, but when I got my eyebrow piercing (let's save that for another time), I had to stop because the vigorous movement wasn't healthy for the piercing. When my piercing finally came off (again, another story for another day), I picked up running again. 

My runs are usually in the evening, at about 11. It's cooler and I like to think of it as a good way to round off the day. The roads are deserted too, which is a major plus point for me. I like the peace, the silence, and being watched by the far-away moon. Usually, my footsteps and my breathing are the only sounds I hear. In my head though, there are a million and one thoughts. Sometimes, my thoughts overtake me, and I have to stop and just...walk. Walking is good too.

The other evening, I was feeling really really faint while I was running. Perhaps I had pushed myself too hard, too fast. Or maybe I hadn't drank enough water. There was a dull ache in my chest, and my breathing felt ragged. At that point, I was at a rarely-used lane behind a housing estate at Tanah Merah. The lane is a short-cut from the main road into the estate, and as such, cars rarely pass by it. The lane has two major slopes of significant gradient - I like to sprint up this slopes, and then jog down leisurely.

I suddenly realized how alone I was. To my right was a forest, to my left was the back of some houses. It was close to midnight. If I had collapsed right there and then, there's a possibility that I won't be found for hours. I realize that at most parts of my routes, the path is equally deserted and rarely-used. If I do faint, nobody would find me, at least not for awhile. Nobody would know where to find me too. A part of me is frightened by this realization while another part think that the other part is being irrational because in my history of running, never have I fainted before. 

The former part recalls stories of runners fainting without warning; runners who run shorter distances or are far fitter than I am. 

I hope nothing bad ever happens to me. My fingers and my toes (but not my eyes) are crossed.