23 Things I Learned in the 2 Years I've Spent in SMU.

1. The SMU library is equidistant from the Starbucks at City Hall and the Starbucks at The Cathay. Either way, you're taking a 5 minute-walk there, and then a 5-minute-walk back. It sucks. The Coffee Bean is not an option, even if there's a student discount because seriously, Coffee Bean??

2. The worst place to sit in a seminar room is the outermost corners of the last row. The professors barely glance in that direction. 

3. On the topic of seating arrangement in SRs, the person behind you will look at your screen and judge you. It is not intentional nor is it out of ill-intention. The seminars are just really long, and sometimes, the most interesting thing is whoever the person in front of you is stalking on Facebook.

4. You're going to make lots of friends, but after awhile, you're going to lose touch with most of them. It's part and parcel of university life. The fact of the matter is that it's impossible to stay equally close to everyone. At the very least, try to stay friendly with everyone.

5. If you really want to maintain a friendship, you have to make an effort to keep the spark going, or else it'll just fade away. Go for meals together, or go shopping, or study together.

6. The gym will only be crowded in the afternoons and evenings at the beginning of the term and after the exams. After week 6, it becomes cozy again. The gym is never crowded in the mornings.

7. A lot of the things you learn in your seminars aren't very useful, especially in your first two years in SMU. Be discerning and try to identify the knowledge that you need for your examination and the knowledge that you need for your life and then take those in.

8. The waiting time for Tea Party is really really long. Even if the queue is short, there's probably a whole lot of people waiting for their pasta ahead of you. If you want a quick bite lunch or dinner, avoid Tea Party.

9. During fundraising season, avoid the concourse. There'll be stalls selling snacks, tauhuay and other things at higher-than-normal prices. Chances are, you'll know at least one person from these stalls, and it's very hard to say 'no' to them (especially if they're cute girls).

10. Class participation is important. It encourages you to pay closer attention to the class, and to identify who in the class you don't want to be friends with, really. Speak up, think for yourself, and try not to get too worked up.

11. Bring a marker for all group meetings in GSRs. Writing things down on the board is the best way to keep the meeting moving. If nothing is being written down, your meeting should be finished.

12. If you don't prepare for your classes, you're pretty much wasting your time. Before your classes, at the very least, practice the key concepts which were taught in the previous class, if it's a Mathy-Mod, like Finance. If it's one of those...marketing/comms mod, read up so that you can keep up with the discussion.

13. Good friends don't always make for good group mates. It may sound like a good idea to have a friend in your group, but not everyone's working style is compatible. The reverse is also true; good group mates don't have to be your good friends.

14. Don't be a lousy group mate. You know the type...doesn't turn up for meetings, doesn't contribute much to discussions, submits substandard work. Don't be like that. If you're lucky, you're group mates will pick up the slack for you, but don't be surprised if nobody wants you in their group ever again. News spreads fast in SMU, especially when it comes to this.

15. Fluffing is perfectly acceptable, and people who complain about them are just lazy. Fluffing, if relevant to the presentation, can be really great. Also, fluffing happens in the real world all the time.

16. You'll meet plenty of brilliant people along the way. Those mythical scholars, or those with perfect GPAs. You can be one of them too. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

17. You'll learn way more outside the seminar rooms than inside it. Go join an organizing committee or a CCA or even better, look beyond SMU for your opportunity to grow. There's something out there for everyone - if you want to learn about investment, banks, and whatnot, there are clubs just for you. If you want to get a firsthand experience at say...marketing, or HR, go join a org comm doing an event which interests you.

18. You shouldn't join everything though. Learn when to say 'no'.

19. Most of your friends will be from something that you've joined. That's just how things are. Maybe it'll be your campmates, or your CCA mates, or your Organizing Committee. Point is, in this environment, it's sometimes difficult to find a reason to "belong", and we need that pillar to hold on to. (I hope I'm making sense)

20. With a good grasp of time-management,  you can rule the world. Some people in SMU will seem like superheros - they're able to get the A's, and be presidents, and be involved in other stuff too. It's all about setting aside time and making sure you get things done in that given amount of time. Do what you need to do, and after that, do what you want to do.

21. You're going to second-guess yourself in your SMU journey. You're going to ask yourself whether you're in the right place, whether you've made the right decision. You're going to wander what it'd be like to go over to the other side. All the would-haves, could-haves, and should-haves will start running through your head, and it's not going to be pretty. 

But at the end of the day, the hand that's been dealt to you...has already been dealt. You can go with it, and make the most out of your experience. Or if you really think that you can go elsewhere, and that things will be better for you once you're there, then by all means. 

Just don't go through life with a chip on your shoulder, gathering up bags of regrets, complaining the whole damn time about what a shit situation you've somehow found yourself in. We have to make the best out of what we have, and frankly speaking, what we have in SMU is pretty damn great.

22. Stay positive and have fun. Upon rereading this post, I realize that I sounded very...study-focused and serious. Life's supposed to be fun. You can have a lot of fun in SMU, and still do well - it's all about your attitude towards things. Stay positive, be open, and be nice to everyone. Crack jokes, hang out after school, do stupid shit...and maybe even fall in love...?

23. Life doesn't end at SMU. It's easy to get absorbed in the school environment, and to devote everything to your studies and your CCA and your new friends. However, life out there still goes on. Remember your friends from outside SMU, remember your family who's always waiting for you at home and most importantly, remember that school isn't everything.

~

And that's it for me. The list above is not exhaustive, of course, and reflects my personal opinion on life in SMU. Maybe you agree, and maybe you don't. Either way, to each his own. Have a great semester, and I'll see you around.

Timetable for Semester 1.

My Singapore Story

My brothers and I first came to Singapore in the year 1996 to visit my parents who had found work here. While my parents were away, we stayed with our grandparents, in a little corner of the Philippines called Calamba, Laguna, which is near Manila, I think. I remember being really excited back then because it was my first time getting on a plane, and my first time travelling out of the country. When we touched down, I was struck by how clean everything was, and also how different the people were - Chinese people, Malay people, Indian people, and the works.

During my first visit, we stayed at a flat my parents were renting at Bukit Batok. We went to Sentosa, the Jurong Birdpark and of course, the Zoo. It was just a vacation, and I had little idea that I would be moving over here permanently. 

My brother and I, on our first visit to Singapore. I'm on the left.

After that faithful vacation, my brother and I (my youngest brother wasn't born then), went back to the Philippines. We spent another year studying over there, and then my parents broke the news that we would be joining them in Singapore. The 7-year-old me was devastated - I would be leaving behind my friends, my schoolmates, and most importantly, my grandparents, who had been taking care of me all the while. In the airport, I cried a whole lot. I was 7 though; when you're at that age, you just do what your parents tell you to do.

So we shifted over to Singapore. We stayed at Potong Pasir for awhile - me, my two brothers and my parents. It was good to have the family together (even for a little while), but I really really missed the Philippines. It was only a few months later that we started school, my younger brother and I. We went to Stamford Primary School, which is located at Bugis, and I joined when in Primary 2, and my brother, Primary 1. At this time, we moved to Beach Road, which was closer to the school.

From what I know, we were the first Filipinos to join the school. I think my parents tried a few schools before they finally found one which were willing to take us in. Thinking back, we were really blessed. It was already halfway through the school year when we joined, and with the school system here and the Philippines being so different, we had plenty of catching up to do.

I think I made friends quite easily. Maybe it's easier when you're a kid, but I got along with my classmates surprisingly well. Occasionally, people would poke fun at my accent. I pronounced the 'r's differently you see - fouR, chuRch, and all that. It got to me, a little bit, and I made a conscious effort to adapt the way I speak. The rest of Primary School passed by with little problems - I made friends, I fit in, and I did well in terms of grades (with the exception of my mother tongue). 

And the rest is...history. I grew up just like any other Singaporean kid from that point on. After Stamford Primary, I went to Queenstown Secondary, where I met even more wonderful people. My nationality was hardy ever an issue. Sure, people would call me 'pinoy', but that was that. I did typically Singaporean things, like chatting on MSN, and playing soccer, and playing arcade after class. I even had like...a stead of sorts, but that's another story.

One thing that was atypical, I guess, would be that I had more independence than most Singaporean kids. My parents let me go wherever, as long as I reached home by a certain time. This meant that even in my teens, I was venturing out on my own to visit bookstores, and look for comics, and things like that. As a result, to this date, I have an excellent grasp of the Singapore public transport system.

My parents finally applied for the Permanent Resident Status, and I took it in my stride. I'd have to do NS, but so do my classmates, and if they can do it, then so can I. Queenstown Secondary was preceded by two amazing years at ACJC, and then it was followed by two years in National Service, where I served as a Chemical Defense medic. In that space of time, I moved around a couple of times, from Beach Road, to Geylang, and finally, to Tanah Merah, where my father bought a flat.

National Service has this thing against PRs and....you know how it is. I understand where they're coming from I guess, but I'm still kind of bummed. Anyway, NS was followed by studies at SMU, which is where I'm at, at this point in life. It's given me an excellent education thus far, and it promises even better things in the future.

Oh. Sometime after National Service, I finally received my Singapore Citizenship. Having served NS, it was a given that I would get it, as long as I registered for it. Becoming a Singapore Citizen meant that I would have to relinquish my Filipino Citizenship. I thought about it for a little while, and looking back at my life, I'm more Singaporean than anything else. I registered for it, and around April this year, I officially became a Singaporean.

Today is the first National Day I spent as a full-fledged Singaporean. I should have made plans to watch the show or do something memorable, on hindsight, but I didn't have the time to come up with anything. So here I am, being all retrospective and nostalgic and shit. 

Today, I ask myself...what does Singapore mean to me? Singapore's this amazing place where I spent my formative years. It's where I learned, where I grew up, where I loved, where I made glorious memories, where I lost weight, where I found life-long friends, and where I found the person that I am today. It's the place which have the person that I am today, possible. No matter where I go in the future, Singapore would have played a huge part, and for that I am thankful - thankful for the opportunities and thankful for the people. 

My mother tells me about how she had to force my dad to send us here. Apparently, my dad was quite content with us being in the Philippines. My mum nagged at him until he changed his mind. Thanks mum. 

Maybe it's too presumptuous to say that my life would have been worse had I stayed there, but at the end of the day, I like who I am now, and Singapore is part of who I am, and for having blessed us with this wonderful life, let's celebrate this fucking amazing nation, and let's make it even better that what it is today. Majulah Singapura.

Spoiler: It's supposed to be the Merlion.

Broken Pottery

I was doing some thinking earlier today on the nature of our lives as human beings. What if when we come out of our mothers' wombs, it's like a....perfect pot falling from a height. A fetus is pretty much perfect, pure, but when it enters this world, it changes to become something entirely different. It's shattered by it's environment, it's upbringing, it's circumstances until it finally becomes what it is.

What if a lot of the things in life are decided not by us, but by life, and we come into the world with a lot of things already laid out for us. Like a broken pottery - when it hits the ground, there's no way of telling what the broken pieces will look like, but it's still the same old pot, and the broken pieces are beautiful in it's own way.

What if our mission in life is to make sense of the fallen pieces. We're broken. We're so fucking far from perfect, but that in itself, is perfection, and we've just got to make sense of it. For example, when you look at clouds, you may see clouds, but you may also see a face, and it's up to us to see that. Ughh, i'm not sure whether I'm making sense. My head hurts like crazy.

I'm getting really frustrated with Illustrator, and Photoshop. Why can't we have one software doing both, seriously. Toggling between them is...terrible. I'm starting to realize that I may have too much on my plate.

Just think about it.

I took the bus home, and on this ride, this girl who was quite pretty sat beside me. She sat beside me because all the other seats were taken. As the ride went on, more people left the bus. 

Seats became vacant, and pretty soon, the upper deck of the bus where we were sitting was mostly empty. Yet, she stayed by my side. If it was me, I would have moved so that I had two-seats to myself...but maybe that's just me. 

The ride was a long one and she sat by me the whole way. We were close enough, such that our arms were touching, but it wasn't weird or creepy or gross - I guess it was just there. It was nice. 

I was reading this book by Kurt Vonnegut called "God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian". I've read most of his stuff, but not this one. I don't know why I've waited so long. It's such a good book. It's a series of fictional interviews with dead people. The dead say interesting things, at least, that's what he assumes.

He said that Hitler regretted everything that he's done. And that Newton is irritated that he didn't discover relativity, or evolution. He also brought up people that I've never heard of. Did you know that the only successful genocide in human history was in Tasmania? I hope that such atrocities won't happen again.

So at that bus, on my way home, on a relatively peaceful evening, I had a book in my hands, and there was a pretty girl beside me. She was real, and in that quiet thirty minutes, we were side by side. From time to time, I tried to sneak a look at her, but I could never find the opportunity. 

I got off the bus before she did. As I was seating on the inside, I had to say "Excuse me,". She didn't say anything in response - she just shifted a little to make room for my exit. I hope that she found the bus ride to be a nice one too. May she have a nice evening, and may all of you have one, too. 

Peace.

Ghost Protocol

Just watched it. I was really hyped up because I suddenly recalled this HIMYM episode where they were using it as an adjective to describe something really awesome. It's okay, on the whole. Some set pieces were excellent, while didn't really have a good payoff. I thought that the story was quite difficult to follow, and once you do follow it, it's not that interesting. The characters were likable enough as individuals, but they didn't really come together. Still, awesome action sequences...the beginning was great but the movie wasn't able to sustain it.

Oh well.

Missing.

I missed yesterday's post and today's post too. Trust me, I didn't wish for it to happen, but that's just how things turn out. I wish I had more time in the day. I think that once again, I'm trying to cover way too much ground for my own good. I have...a constant stream of things that I should be doing at the back of my mind.

Anyway, I'm really jealous of people who don't have to exercise. I literally work my ass off to be like this. And I'm so far away from my ideal that trying feels pointless, and I feel like giving up. The only thing that's stopping me is the fact that I know that if I stop, the alternative is going to be much worse. I'm just maintaining, or at least, it feels that way. Other people don't even have to try....and here I am, trying my hardest and not getting there. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but man, at least I'm trying. And that's how I know that the world is not fair. 

Also, my internet's acting funny once again. It causes me to lose sleep, literally, because there are things that I'm trying to get done, but my slow (or lack of) internet connection is preventing me from doing so. I spent more time than I need to just staring at my computer being fucked up. It's screwed really. I think technology should work perfectly all the time, and if it doesn't, somebody should be punished. But that's now how it works. Technology fucks with you for no reason...and that's how I know God doesn't exist.

So I said two things that I know to be true, somewhat, using everyday occurrences. Maybe I'm making a leap of logic somewhere. Sometimes, when things like this happens, all I want to do is literally smash my head against the wall. Or throw my laptop to the ground. Or something. I don't know what to believe and that sucks. 

Okay, I'm out. This thing isn't turning out at all like what I had in mind.

Levels.

Yesterday evening, I went to hang out with a few of my previous orientation kids at this place called Sunset Bar and Grill. Sounds familiar? It's the place which sells the infamous super duper spicy buffalo wings - wings which are hot enough to make you cry. It's a foodie-challenge of sorts, and it's definitely not for the faint of heart. I've heard rumour of people going to the hospital after eating the wings, so yeah, how could I not give it a try?

The place sells the wings at ten levels of spiciness - 1 being the least spicy (you only cry a bit), and 10 being the most (your tongue hates you forever). There's a hidden level 35 which isn't on the menu, and I guess rightly so. After eating levels 4 and 6, I can't imagine anyone going at 10, let alone 35.

Let's talk about getting there first. It's at Jalan Kayu, which is in the middle of nowhere. I got there by taking the train to Serangoon, and then taking a bus from there. You can take a bus from a few other stations, but the point is, it's notoriously difficult to get to. It's one of those enclaves which mostly cater to the nearby residents and people who drive. From Serangoon, I took another 30-odd minutes just to get there. As the bus moved out of Seragoon, the scenery grew more unfamiliar, and before I knew it, I had no clue where I was. I was really scared that I would miss my stop - so just make sure you stay aware.

Anyway, back to the restaurant. The place is quite nice, in itself. Not too many people, and the staff was nice enough. The food was notoriously expensive though, which is a big minus for me. But we were there for the wings, so we ignored most of the other things on the menu and zoomed in on the wings.

The first plate we ordered was Level 4. Each serving has 6 wings - our group had 7, but one of us really couldn't take spicy stuff, so it was just nice. The wings themselves are quite okay in size...but they're red as shit. Like devil claws on a plate.They looked harmless enough. I was excited, and the first bite was a literal eye-opener. The spiciness gets to you right at the start. It tastes quite nice, at first, but then you start to feel the chilli getting to you. I started to sweat soon, and my mouth was on fire. 

Level 4. Easy peasy.

I'm the kind of guy who doesn't mind getting his hands dirty, so I used my hands to savour the chicken. Turns out that you're not supposed to do so though; the chilli is spicy enough to burn your fingers. Whoops. 

I was sweating. I used copious amounts of tissue to wipe my sweat, and drank about a glass of water. It wasn't that bad. I managed to finish the wing with little trouble.We all did actually, so we ordered two levels up - Level 6. The difference was apparent from the beginning - the smell hit us first. You can actually smell the spiciness. And what's more, you can see that it's a shitload redder than before. Devil's claws stained with the blood of a dragon, or something. 

Devil Claws.

Look at that sauce.

This time, I didn't dare to use my hands. The first bite was fine...but as I tore at the chicken, my mouth burned, and I started to sweat like (I was in) hell. My skin felt hot, and if I wasn't so tanned, I'm sure I would have flushed. I started dripping, literally, onto the table, and my collar became wet from the sweat from the back of my neck. I drank more water than before, and my eyes became bloodshot. It was...hot. So freaking hot. 

I don't usually do selfies but this felt like an exception which had to be made.

Everybody was having some sort of reaction to the dish, so yeah, it's not one that's to be underestimated. We asked for water, and then more water. The lady there was nice enough to accommodate. We spent about $11, and each person had about 3 wings (one normal, one level 4 and one level 6) and we shared one starter. We wisely continued dinner and desserts somewhere else. (That somewhere else is Greenwich V, which is this quite atas mall in the middle of nowhere made just to cater to the neighbourhood).

Anyway, I figure the post should end here, but of course, the wings had after effects. My stomach felt really queasy afterwards, like a volcano, I guess. I didn't dare go for a run because...I might get the runs. Anyway, I went to sleep without problem, but when I woke up this morning...it was bad. I took a shit 3 times. It was as if there was another flush inside my stomach (flush-ception) trying to get the spiciness out of my system.

Even now, my stomach is...acting suspiciously, but nothing too bad.

Okay, I'll leave here. I'm still stressed about non-work stuff, which shouldn't be the way right? I'm just afraid I won't be able to do things well, I guess. Work's been good to me - I'm enjoying it immensely, but that's the life of an intern, maybe. Okay, I'm out.

Won't you stay?

Let's just hang here, okay? Me, and you if you're reading this. It's been a long day. I'm really tired. I feel like I should go out for a run, lose some of the fats I've accumulated over the past day. I get fatter very easily you see. It's bad, but what can I do? That's the hand I've been dealt with. I'm very tired though, and I just ate some really spicy chicken wings. My stomach is all fire and brimstone - if I go for a run, I might puke. That, and I'm tired too. I'm so damn tired right now.

It's only Monday. Gosh, it's only Monday. Actually, I don't really mind work. Work is when I'm most at ease. It's after work when things go crazy. I still have too many things on my mind, too many things that I want to do. I really do wish that there were more hours in the day. I'm rarely at ease, and when I am, it's temporary, and it's not real, in the sense that there is always something looming at the back of my mind, saying that I shouldn't be doing whatever I'm doing at that given moment. I'm here, but at the same time I'm not.

I'm starting to miss being plain relaxed. I wish that the things I had to do came easy to me...but it doesn't. Let's be frank, I'm not any good...yet. So in addition to actually getting things done, there's the painful step of pulling your body to the point where you're confident enough to get things done. Maybe I should just go and do it, but what if everything is all for naught plainly because I'm not at the stage where I'm ready. I'm terrible.

So what now? I don't know. I should just go to sleep. That might be the problem right there - insufficient sleep. Is rest all I need to solve all my problems? Will it give me the ability to fight on tomorrow, with renewed vigour? Or am I just looking for a way out of getting things done. Am I just lazy? Am I just plain old terrible? I'm fully aware that I'm sounding like the whiniest person in the world right now. The truth is that I am. I should change.

Okay, I'll leave here. I can't even blog properly. The days are passing me by. I'm not getting any closer to accomplishing any of the things I set out to accomplish. That's not cool.

:(

I wish I didn't sign up for certain things. Or perhaps that I was more efficient. Gah. Hate this. Sorry. Random. It's 11 plus, and I'm at school doing work. There's memories that I want to forget, but somehow, they keep coming back to me. That was what I wanted to write about today. But as luck would have it, I have too much stuff to do to actually get to doing that. But maybe it's for the better.

More Illustrations!

Today was a nice weekend. Managed to go to the gym in the morning, and then work plus more exploring of Adobe Illustrator. It's a really awesome tool, and I'm not showing this post just to show you how cool I am (which I'm not)...what I'm trying to say is that everyone can learn it, and it's not that hard, and if you want to know how to use it, I'm right here.

I was doing my work in school. The best thing about being in SMUBE is that it's full of workaholics...so I wasn't alone haha. It's a nice place, and let me take this chance once again to say that SMUBE was the single best choice I've made so far since I've joined SMU. 

You get it?

Oooh. Video game! 

Created a creature of my own. And then let him be spit on by the Merlion. 

WONKA!

Customary hipster stuff. No, I have no issue with my mum, but I figure that somewhere out there, someone does. To that person, let me assure you that everything will be okay.

Private Holidays seem like a more preferable idea.

So today's Vesak Day. I didn't really do anything much. I wanted to get out of the house and make plans, but it was abandoned very early on in the day when I realized that all I wanted to do was spend the day watching Scandal. I'm done with all the episodes, and I must say that it's really worth the watch. I'm sure there are plenty of dramas of similar caliber actually, but I don't think I'd ever want to invest so much time in anything again. While I loved the show, I really should be doing some other stuff. There's much work to be done!

Tomorrow, I'll get back on track. Busy busy busy.

Anyway, I'm still working on my Illustrator skills. It's going moderately well. Have a look see at what other stuff I've created. It can be polished up, but I like where I'm at, provided that the only teacher I have is whatever resources I can find online.

So trend.

Was feeling patriotic.

School stuff!

I hope that you've had a wonderful Vesak Day. The next long weekend will only be at August, so brace yourselves...it's going to be a doozy.

Take Stock.

I just finished watching Fast & Furious 5. It was okay, I guess. They did a lot of things right. I think the performances of the actors were excellent, and the effects were mind-boggling too, if you think about it. The movie had a really slow part in the middle...but thankfully, I slept through it. When I woke up, I managed to get caught up with the plot quickly enough.

Two weeks into my internship, and I guess I'm learning as much as I can. I'm trying to impress my bosses, do my best, and in general, be a good intern. I think I need to be more outspoken though. Some of you may not believe me when I say that I'm meek, but I am. I'm like a mouse, sometimes. I'd rather be left alone, doing my own things, like how right now, I'm in a room and there's a beer in front of me, and all I can hear is my typing and the slow but reassuring hum of the computer.

I've learned quite a bit about the industry and the processes that go on behind advertising. In terms of real actual tangible skills, it isn't much though. Oh well. I guess I have to acquire those on my own. And as such, I've been studying Illustrator. It's difficult, tedious...but a large part of me can't wait to produce magic. Mmm, to put it simply, there are two ways to approach a problem. The first is to just tackle it head on, and the next is to explore all your possible options before taking the approach you think that works best. In this case, I'm learning as much as I can about Illustrator, and then I'm going to tackle this Marketing problem head on.

Some might see this as procrastination, but I'm hoping that this slogging will pay off better both in the short run and the long run.

Somehow, when I'm blogging, I always return to that question of what is the meaning of life, and what is the meaning of all this in general. We're all so busy scurrying about, going from one place to the next, just living, but what's it for and why do we do what we do? Going to my internship, I get to interact more with working adults, and it's different, and they're different, and I wonder what my mindset will be like when I'm their age.

I'm still harbouring hopes that one day, I'll break out of the cycle. Like one of those Fast & Furious guys....do something awesome, earn money, and then live off that money for the rest of my life doing whatever I wish. If only. Okay, I'm going to sign off here. Tomorrow is Vesak Day. I wish all those who celebrate it a very happy one, and all those who don't....well, enjoy the long weekend.

I love you all more than my heart can take.

Let Me Illustrate.

Been playing around with Adobe Illustrator as part of some marketing thing. I took up the responsibility of doing marketing for my CCA - I felt like my abilities with Photoshop is severely lacking, and Photoshop itself has many limitations...so I've decided to expand to Illustrator. 

It takes some getting used to, but once you grasp the basic ideas, it's actually quite intuitive. I've been following some tutorials online, and below are some of the things that I've done. They look reasonably presentable, but that's only because I've been following the tutorials really closely.

Playing with logos!

Pixel Danny Zuko. So cool.

Now let's put him in a forest. With birds!

Aztec yo.

Yeah, so that's what I've been up to. I really want to write more, but this is quite pressing as well, and it's fun. You can only do so much with your limited time. I guess just do what you can lor. Cheers everyone. I'll put up more of my Illustrator stuff here. :)

Random Thoughts

1. I want to watch The Great Gatsby with full knowledge that I'm going to hate it just to justify my feelings that it's a horribly over-hyped movie which will fail to do justice to the book. To me, The Great Gatsby was never about the spectacle, which is so over the top in the movie. So basically, I just want to watch the movie to prove myself right, and to be able to confidently say that it isn't good.
2. Tumblr is indeed full of porn. Even the most innocent sounding tags have horrible (and sometimes gay) outcomes. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
3. The past few days, I've been having lunch at Chinatown. The food is ridiculously cheap, yet amazingly delicious. I learned that it is true what they say, how places with long queues have nicer food. Tried it out for a few days, and crowd mentality (at least, this form of it) has yet to fail me. Being in Chinatown really brought home the point that the Singapore food culture is at a very precarious state - most of the food stall owners are elderly, and it doesn't look like anyone will be replacing them when they retire.
4. Some people can live their whole life without exercise. How does that work? The moment I stop exercising, I become fatter. It's sad but true.
5. Tissue paper is one of the best inventions in the world. It's usefulness knows no bounds.
6. Sometimes you're going to make decisions that you'll regret...but no matter what, you'll be able to live with it. Accept the things that you can't change, and make the most out of them. To be honest, the internship I'm having now is not the best I can find....but it's the only one I've got now. I'm going to learn as much as I can, put in my best, and next year, I'll just go to a better one and own over there.
7. There's this place called Dr Coffee Cafe, or something like that. I wonder what would happen if I go there and ask for an MC...
8. Absolutes don't exist.
9. I'm really bad at replying to people. I think it's a character flaw that I need to work on. I can be in the moment, but if I'm "out" of the moment, it's very difficult to get me in. My mind just drifts away to whatever's in front of me. 
10. I read this somewhere: procrastinators aren't people who are lazy. They're people who are afraid of how they'll be perceived for the things that they produce. It's not laziness - it's fear. 

It's that damn fear which is holding you back. Don't let it.

GIFS BABY GIFS.

Did you hear? Yahoo! is acquiring Tumblr! It still remains to be seen how this will all turn out, but I guess this calls for a...GIF PARTY.

Wait a moment. I think I went overboard.

Oh well. I hope you still love me. Over and out. 

Anyway, I'm hoping that Yahoo! doesn't do too much to interfere with the way Tumblr works. It's a wonderful medium and the world will be a worse place without it. Also, GIFS BABY GIFS.

Gladiator in Suits.

I spent a large part of yesterday evening and the most part of today watching this show called Scandal. It's amazing. I can't begin to express how much I like the show. It's fast-paced, the characters are intriguing and the plot is full of amazing, mind-blowing twists. I'm not a big fan of shows which are longer than 30 minutes, but with this one, time freaking flies. True, it can get preposterous, but it's fun fun fun.

It follows Olivia Pope, a former Communications Director of the White House. She's now works as a crisis manager and heads a team of talented (and quirky) individuals. If you need something done, you go to Olivia Hope. If there's a murder, or a kidnapping, or cover-up and you can't go to the police for some reason, you go to Olivia Hope. She's a "fixer"; she fixes things, and she's damn good at it. She knows what to say and what to do. If she can't do something, chances are, she knows someone who can.

Meet Olivia Pope.

But she's not perfect. Like I said, she's a former employee of the White House. Nobody leaves a job at the White House...unless something big happened. 2 years ago she helped put the current POTUS into the office, Fitzgerald Grant. She was one of the campaign's directors, but she was so much more as well. They were having an affair (GASP). She quit to get away from that but somehow, she keeps getting dragged back to the Oval Office.

Every week, Pope & Associates deal with a different crises. It's interesting to see how Pope deals with them as they come. As the setting is the White House, a lot of the crises are related to political scandals. It's quite accessible though, so you don't need any prior knowledge of how the US political system works. The show reveals a lot of the spin that goes into politics, how messages are framed, and the various cover-ups.

Pope & Associates. Gladiators in suits.

In addition to the weekly crises, there's a major plot going on just beneath the surface. Something big is always going on in the White House, and if there's something that needs to be fixed, Olivia Pope is the woman for the job. But you know how it is in the White House, nothing is what it seems and you never know the lengths that people are willing to go to protect their own asses. The show keeps you guessing constantly and never fails to surprise you at each and every turn.

Just earlier, I was shouting expletives at my laptop, a whole string of them. I did this several times today.

The heart of the show is Olivia Pope, who is played by Kerry Washington. I've never heard of her, but apparently, she's famous in the states. Her performance is dang compelling. The first season of the show (which is only 7 episodes) focuses a lot on her, but as the show progresses, the other characters step out of her shadow to reveal their own depth, complications, and agenda. The satisfyingly juicy plot is accompanied by well-developed and human relationships - stuff you get from Grey's Anatomy (which is probably because the showrunner is Shonda Rhimes who brought us Grey's Anatomy).

In addition to Olivia Pope, there's her team, her whole host of clients, the staff of the White House, and most importantly, the motherfucking POTUS.

An affair at the White House? Familiar plot, but it's fucking awesome. Also, not a spoiler.

So I'll just leave this post here. At first, I was really skeptical because the words "lawyer" and "gladiators in suits" were being thrown around. I guess it's a necessary hook to build an audience. Thankfully, it gets dropped within the first few episodes to focus on the really good stuff. Season 1 has only 7 episodes, while season 2 has a whopping 22 episodes. It has been renewed. Who knows how things will unfold in Season 3, but the first two season has received critical praise.

The show is immensely popular in the United States, where it's ratings beat the hugely popular Game of Thrones. It's also one of the most tweeted-about show, gathering over 350,000 tweets during it's season finale. In fact, it's lauded as a show which built it's success on Twitter - people make time to watch the show just so they can take part on the social conversation. I think it's quite cool that I found out about the show on Twitter as well; I saw several of the celebrities I follow tweeting about it (P!nk, Lena Dunham and the cast of Community), and I simply had to check it out.

And you should too. Catch you tomorrow. I'm going to catch one more episode before I go to sleep.

The full cast! They're lots of fun.

Bonus Tumblr gif.

Pause and ask yourself whether you're happy. Nod fiercely.

Today marks my first ever proper weekend after a week of internship. It's not bad. I spent a lot of it catching up on my other work, which consists of doing the Marketing for one of my CCA's events, and also...a certain Art project which I've signed up for.

For the Marketing gig, I need to know my way around Photoshop. I can do the most basic of everything, but nothing too mind-blowing. I'm teaching myself as I go along. Hopefully, I can be up to scratch soon. Working with words is really easy. Just change the placement, alignment and size of the words to something which is pleasing to your eye. 

From Norwegian Wood.

Current FB Cover.

I don't really know what I can say about my Art project for now. It's not even confirmed yet. But below is a sneak preview of what I have in my mind. Yeah, it's strange.

I tried to do a bit of writing today as well. It...didn't really go anywhere. I think my mind was just elsewhere; I was thinking about the work that I had to submit, and the other work which I hadn't touched. Maybe writing requires a total vacuum. I need the discipline to be able to call upon that vacuum whenever I need to, or else, I'm not going to go anywhere. Peace. Also, I'm listening to Vampire Weekend's new album, rereading 1Q84 and watching Scandal. I ate nice cake this afternoon too.It's nice to be alive.

The Misguided Modernization of our Heroines

Recently, Disney got flak for it's decision to make the protagonist of Brave, Merida, more effeminate, to welcome her into the ranks of the Disney Princesses. In her transformation, she's become curvier, has more luscious lips and is wearing a nicer dress with golden details which reveals more of her shoulder. Gone too is her trademark bow and arrow. Essentially, they shaped our red-haired heroine into an all-too familiar figure which girls are supposed to look up to, and model themselves after.

I honestly don't know what to make of this issue. On one hand, it's the forces of demand and supply which dictates that these sort of characters be made. We want them, and Disney (and other companies) gives them to us. But on the other hand, we can argue that they are distorting our view of what is acceptable and what is normal through the perpetuation of this misguided notion of what a woman should be - slim, doe-eyed, smiley and seemingly subservient (I may be reading this wrong). 

Just take a look at the Disney Princesses...they all look the same! Even Mulan! Mulan was a gangster! That girl from Tangled whose name escapes me isn't even supposed to have long hair anymore, yet here she is...simply because it fits the image better! And if you look at the picture of Merida above, you'd see that the one on the left doesn't fit, while the one on the right totally does.

The worrying thing is that this is a trend happening across the board. Look at Tinkerbell and her sexy fairies! They're supposed to be fairies but they're so...sexed-up, and they're all of one shape - slim, with nice legs (yes, I said it). Now the thing is, a part of me is thinking that we should indeed strive to be like this...because it's healthy. But the thing is, it's an exaggeration of what being "healthy" is. Sometimes, no matter how much you diet or exercise, you're not going to fit into the image that popular media is saying you should fit into.

Tinkerbell is curvier than Shakira.

To some people, this is going to cause lots of pain and torment, because they literally starve themselves just to get that look. It also sets a climate whereby we are judged by society based on unrealistic standards set by the popularized norms. It's a vicious cycle - society influences the media and the media influences society, and both influence the way we behave. The way it's going is sadly not to our favour. We are destroying ourselves as we try to turn into something that we're not.

Take a look at similar transformations of our favourite heroines.

Dora the Explorer. #whatpubertydidtome

Not sure what this is, but the 'before' photo is super hipster.

How do you ride horses in such tiny skirts?

This isn't too bad actually.

Where's the Snooki one?

So what does beautiful really mean? The modernization of female characters seem to suggest that the ideal girl is slim, big-eyed, smiling, with nice proportions. To me, beauty is about being comfortable with your own body - taking ownership of it...exercising and dieting if there are things you want to change, accepting certain things that you can't. Some people just complain that they're fat, or getting fat. Just exercise, or eat less, or maybe accept that that's just how things are meant to be. Accept it.

Do what you can. Make peace with the things that you can't change. Be nice. Don't judge. We are not plastic dolls or drawings. We are so much more than our fat thighs, or lack of height, or manly hands, or weird noses. Let's get real. Raymond out.

PS: This post feels a little rushed, but I hope you get a gist of what I'm trying to say. I'm still trying to get the hang of working, and haven't had as much time to devote to this. I'll get my shit together soon, I promise.

Missed Post

Sorry I missed today's post. I was out watching Star Trek: Into Darkness. It's pretty damn good. Shall do up a review soon. Life is okay.

Shit days, they come and go.

How can you believe in a God when bad things happen over and over again? Okay, good things happen too, and I'm really thankful for that, but how do you explain all that nasty-ass shit that happen? Some may say that it's there to test you, or to make you stronger, but isn't it possible to also believe the reverse, that we have an evil God, and his nature is to make our lives difficult, and he throws good things in our way to throw us off and give us false hope (only to crush us once more)?

Religion is a matter of faith, they say. I have no problems with having faith in real things; I have faith in my friends, I have faith in myself, I have faith in my family, I have faith in humanity, that we're inherently good. I have faith in real things, but to have faith in God seems far-fetched to me. But maybe that's because I don't feel him in my life. If you do, then good for you.

I'm having an especially bad day today. I fell sick and it's only my third day of work. It's highly possible that it's because of the new office environment - the dust or the fengshui perhaps weren't in my favour. I was sneezing the whole time, and I ran through packets after packets of tissue paper. My colleagues were really concerned. There wasn't much to do in the afternoon as my supervisor went off to meet some clients. She told me to go see the doctor. I did, and I got medicine and MC for 2 days. I can't use it though. I mean, it's only my first week. What kind of shitty impression would I be giving?

I fall sick way too easily, and I don't know why, and I hate it. It hasn't been much of a problem, because during school time, you can do things at your own pace. You can rest whenever, work whenever, take a day off when you want to. It doesn't work like this in the real world. If this keeps up, it's going to suck big time. Now, my body's aching, my eyes are watery and itchy and my nose is running like a broken tap. I'm missing my usual run, and I think I'll have to skip gym tomorrow morning. I feel unfit, like a piece of shit, consequently. I can't even rest properly because there's work to be done. Not internship work, just...work in general.

So there's that. And my internet connection is giving me problems again. It's been like that for the longest time actually, but it's been worst the past two days. Every other page I go to will show some sort of error, and I can't even load YouTube videos properly. The internet is...this wonderful thing. It's like Narnia. It's the window to the bigger world, and I feel like...with a a proper internet connection, I can conquer the world. I honestly do. With my internet connection like this, I feel like my arm has been severed right off. My frustration is off the charts. I punched walls and shit, it was bad. Now it's relatively stable, but if it breaks down again, I'm going to throw my laptop to the ground, jump at the pieces, burn them, and laugh maniacally, all before typing out a harshly-worded letter to Singtel.

My body is shitty, my internet is shitty, I can't work properly and the only reliable source of comfort are my books. I feel fat, and I really want to go for a run, but I can't. I really want to go to the web and be inspired by cool stuff, watch funny videos and be entertained for awhile before getting some stuff done, but I can't. Why do these things happen? Does somebody hate me out there? No. That's just how life is sometimes. There will be good days, there will be bad days.

Just don't make the terrible mistake of thinking that a bad day makes for a bad life. I hope I get better tomorrow. I hope the whole world gets better tomorrow. Peace. Love. Leave a comment if you want to do sex with me. Ignore that last sentence, that was the sickness typing.

The Man, The Lake, The Rock and The Baptism.

I asked myself who I really was and why I was alive in the first place and of course I had no clue. I searched within the grooves of my soul, and it wasn’t there. Inside the wrinkles of my brain, and the depths of my eyes as I stared at the mirror. There was nothing, and I felt empty inside. My heart beat makes a hollow sound against my chest. It is loud and I am reminded about how empty things make the most noise sometimes.

Standing in front of the lake, I tried to make a rock skip. It hit the water and sank to the bottom instead. It went straight down, and it made no bubbles, only ripples. In a sense, I was like that rock. They’re asking me to bounce on the water, but rocks aren’t made to do that, and even when they do, they still sink eventually. At the bottom of the lake is an abundance of rocks, and other things which are slave to gravity.

Sinking isn’t so bad, I think to myself as I stand in front of the lake. The world beneath the surface of water called out to me like a dying soldier. My reflection on the water looked up at me, and I marvelled at how much more perfect it looked as compared to me. The reflection had no past, no regrets, no pain
.
I took of my shirt and then my pants until only my boxers covered my modesty. With great care, I folded my clothes and laid them aside. These were futile and pointless actions, because I was going to drown myself. But what about everything else that I have done up to this point? Were they futile and pointless too? Probably. It was like laying down bricks of gold on a path which leads nowhere. The cold air gave me goose bumps. I looked around to make sure that I was alone.

Indeed, I was. It took me two hours to get to this lake. It was a walk, and then a bus ride, and then a long struggle through the jungle. The jungle I went through was dark and strangely devoid of life. The branches and shrubs scratched at me as if they were trying to stop me from going further. I ignored them. After a while, my phone lost it’s signal. I ignored the missed calls and unread messages, and I dropped it in the jungle, where it will stay for a really long time. The phone, unlike leaves and fallen trees, would not be accepted by the soil.

Emerging through the forest, I felt born again, and I had to chuckle at the irony of it all.
The sun, the rocks, the clouds, the trees all bore witness to my ultimate act. Here I go. I thought back to my life and I could think of nothing worth noting. My teeth started to chatter as hints of the evening started to show, and the sun started to set. The sun’s glow made everything look wonderful, even me. I stared at my hands, and I moved my fingers, clenched and unclenched my fist. I looked at the intricate lines and how they danced with my every movement.

Then I remember that these hands have nothing to hold on to.

I jumped into the water finally. I couldn’t tell whether I was falling into the water like the rock, or whether the water was rushing up at me, like an open-mouthed predator. The water rose over my head, and I was underwater. I stayed still in the water, unmoving. The water was peaceful, and it gave me a strange sense of warmth that encompassed my whole being. My body was moved by it’s flow.

I opened my closed eyes and  I saw a deep blue nothing. It was frightening; my mind and my being couldn’t comprehend the concept of nothingness, and something within me snapped like a twig. I tried to take in a breath, instinctively, but underwater, there is no such thing as air. Water rushed into my lungs like thieves in the night. My arms and feet started flailing uncontrollably. My hands made to grab on to something, anything. But I had already made the jump into this other world.

Looking up at the sky, through the water, I could see the setting sun. Everything in this planet grows because of the sun’s presence, I thought. I began kicking upwards, and I reached for it with my left hand then my right, and slowly but surely, I inched towards the sun, and everything else that waited for me above the surface of the water.

I thought back to my friends, my family, my love, and everything that awaited me in the future, that I risked losing by dying there. My head broke through the surface and I inhaled the early evening air. I treaded in the water for a moment, and I embedded into my mind the sensation of falling into nothingness. And I thought about how this wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t know what it was just yet, but I know that it didn’t wait for me underneath the water.

In the sky, a plane flew by. It seemed to crawl along, like a snail. Maybe people were looking down upon this lake, and even though from such high altitudes, I might appear to be only a speck, I am still there nonetheless. I let out a primal scream, and from the trees, a flock of birds took flight, and I felt alive once again.

I swam towards the shore. My clothes, which I had so neatly folded, were waiting for me.