Missing.

I missed yesterday's post and today's post too. Trust me, I didn't wish for it to happen, but that's just how things turn out. I wish I had more time in the day. I think that once again, I'm trying to cover way too much ground for my own good. I have...a constant stream of things that I should be doing at the back of my mind.

Anyway, I'm really jealous of people who don't have to exercise. I literally work my ass off to be like this. And I'm so far away from my ideal that trying feels pointless, and I feel like giving up. The only thing that's stopping me is the fact that I know that if I stop, the alternative is going to be much worse. I'm just maintaining, or at least, it feels that way. Other people don't even have to try....and here I am, trying my hardest and not getting there. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but man, at least I'm trying. And that's how I know that the world is not fair. 

Also, my internet's acting funny once again. It causes me to lose sleep, literally, because there are things that I'm trying to get done, but my slow (or lack of) internet connection is preventing me from doing so. I spent more time than I need to just staring at my computer being fucked up. It's screwed really. I think technology should work perfectly all the time, and if it doesn't, somebody should be punished. But that's now how it works. Technology fucks with you for no reason...and that's how I know God doesn't exist.

So I said two things that I know to be true, somewhat, using everyday occurrences. Maybe I'm making a leap of logic somewhere. Sometimes, when things like this happens, all I want to do is literally smash my head against the wall. Or throw my laptop to the ground. Or something. I don't know what to believe and that sucks. 

Okay, I'm out. This thing isn't turning out at all like what I had in mind.

Levels.

Yesterday evening, I went to hang out with a few of my previous orientation kids at this place called Sunset Bar and Grill. Sounds familiar? It's the place which sells the infamous super duper spicy buffalo wings - wings which are hot enough to make you cry. It's a foodie-challenge of sorts, and it's definitely not for the faint of heart. I've heard rumour of people going to the hospital after eating the wings, so yeah, how could I not give it a try?

The place sells the wings at ten levels of spiciness - 1 being the least spicy (you only cry a bit), and 10 being the most (your tongue hates you forever). There's a hidden level 35 which isn't on the menu, and I guess rightly so. After eating levels 4 and 6, I can't imagine anyone going at 10, let alone 35.

Let's talk about getting there first. It's at Jalan Kayu, which is in the middle of nowhere. I got there by taking the train to Serangoon, and then taking a bus from there. You can take a bus from a few other stations, but the point is, it's notoriously difficult to get to. It's one of those enclaves which mostly cater to the nearby residents and people who drive. From Serangoon, I took another 30-odd minutes just to get there. As the bus moved out of Seragoon, the scenery grew more unfamiliar, and before I knew it, I had no clue where I was. I was really scared that I would miss my stop - so just make sure you stay aware.

Anyway, back to the restaurant. The place is quite nice, in itself. Not too many people, and the staff was nice enough. The food was notoriously expensive though, which is a big minus for me. But we were there for the wings, so we ignored most of the other things on the menu and zoomed in on the wings.

The first plate we ordered was Level 4. Each serving has 6 wings - our group had 7, but one of us really couldn't take spicy stuff, so it was just nice. The wings themselves are quite okay in size...but they're red as shit. Like devil claws on a plate.They looked harmless enough. I was excited, and the first bite was a literal eye-opener. The spiciness gets to you right at the start. It tastes quite nice, at first, but then you start to feel the chilli getting to you. I started to sweat soon, and my mouth was on fire. 

Level 4. Easy peasy.

I'm the kind of guy who doesn't mind getting his hands dirty, so I used my hands to savour the chicken. Turns out that you're not supposed to do so though; the chilli is spicy enough to burn your fingers. Whoops. 

I was sweating. I used copious amounts of tissue to wipe my sweat, and drank about a glass of water. It wasn't that bad. I managed to finish the wing with little trouble.We all did actually, so we ordered two levels up - Level 6. The difference was apparent from the beginning - the smell hit us first. You can actually smell the spiciness. And what's more, you can see that it's a shitload redder than before. Devil's claws stained with the blood of a dragon, or something. 

Devil Claws.

Look at that sauce.

This time, I didn't dare to use my hands. The first bite was fine...but as I tore at the chicken, my mouth burned, and I started to sweat like (I was in) hell. My skin felt hot, and if I wasn't so tanned, I'm sure I would have flushed. I started dripping, literally, onto the table, and my collar became wet from the sweat from the back of my neck. I drank more water than before, and my eyes became bloodshot. It was...hot. So freaking hot. 

I don't usually do selfies but this felt like an exception which had to be made.

Everybody was having some sort of reaction to the dish, so yeah, it's not one that's to be underestimated. We asked for water, and then more water. The lady there was nice enough to accommodate. We spent about $11, and each person had about 3 wings (one normal, one level 4 and one level 6) and we shared one starter. We wisely continued dinner and desserts somewhere else. (That somewhere else is Greenwich V, which is this quite atas mall in the middle of nowhere made just to cater to the neighbourhood).

Anyway, I figure the post should end here, but of course, the wings had after effects. My stomach felt really queasy afterwards, like a volcano, I guess. I didn't dare go for a run because...I might get the runs. Anyway, I went to sleep without problem, but when I woke up this morning...it was bad. I took a shit 3 times. It was as if there was another flush inside my stomach (flush-ception) trying to get the spiciness out of my system.

Even now, my stomach is...acting suspiciously, but nothing too bad.

Okay, I'll leave here. I'm still stressed about non-work stuff, which shouldn't be the way right? I'm just afraid I won't be able to do things well, I guess. Work's been good to me - I'm enjoying it immensely, but that's the life of an intern, maybe. Okay, I'm out.

Won't you stay?

Let's just hang here, okay? Me, and you if you're reading this. It's been a long day. I'm really tired. I feel like I should go out for a run, lose some of the fats I've accumulated over the past day. I get fatter very easily you see. It's bad, but what can I do? That's the hand I've been dealt with. I'm very tired though, and I just ate some really spicy chicken wings. My stomach is all fire and brimstone - if I go for a run, I might puke. That, and I'm tired too. I'm so damn tired right now.

It's only Monday. Gosh, it's only Monday. Actually, I don't really mind work. Work is when I'm most at ease. It's after work when things go crazy. I still have too many things on my mind, too many things that I want to do. I really do wish that there were more hours in the day. I'm rarely at ease, and when I am, it's temporary, and it's not real, in the sense that there is always something looming at the back of my mind, saying that I shouldn't be doing whatever I'm doing at that given moment. I'm here, but at the same time I'm not.

I'm starting to miss being plain relaxed. I wish that the things I had to do came easy to me...but it doesn't. Let's be frank, I'm not any good...yet. So in addition to actually getting things done, there's the painful step of pulling your body to the point where you're confident enough to get things done. Maybe I should just go and do it, but what if everything is all for naught plainly because I'm not at the stage where I'm ready. I'm terrible.

So what now? I don't know. I should just go to sleep. That might be the problem right there - insufficient sleep. Is rest all I need to solve all my problems? Will it give me the ability to fight on tomorrow, with renewed vigour? Or am I just looking for a way out of getting things done. Am I just lazy? Am I just plain old terrible? I'm fully aware that I'm sounding like the whiniest person in the world right now. The truth is that I am. I should change.

Okay, I'll leave here. I can't even blog properly. The days are passing me by. I'm not getting any closer to accomplishing any of the things I set out to accomplish. That's not cool.

:(

I wish I didn't sign up for certain things. Or perhaps that I was more efficient. Gah. Hate this. Sorry. Random. It's 11 plus, and I'm at school doing work. There's memories that I want to forget, but somehow, they keep coming back to me. That was what I wanted to write about today. But as luck would have it, I have too much stuff to do to actually get to doing that. But maybe it's for the better.

More Illustrations!

Today was a nice weekend. Managed to go to the gym in the morning, and then work plus more exploring of Adobe Illustrator. It's a really awesome tool, and I'm not showing this post just to show you how cool I am (which I'm not)...what I'm trying to say is that everyone can learn it, and it's not that hard, and if you want to know how to use it, I'm right here.

I was doing my work in school. The best thing about being in SMUBE is that it's full of workaholics...so I wasn't alone haha. It's a nice place, and let me take this chance once again to say that SMUBE was the single best choice I've made so far since I've joined SMU. 

You get it?

Oooh. Video game! 

Created a creature of my own. And then let him be spit on by the Merlion. 

WONKA!

Customary hipster stuff. No, I have no issue with my mum, but I figure that somewhere out there, someone does. To that person, let me assure you that everything will be okay.

Private Holidays seem like a more preferable idea.

So today's Vesak Day. I didn't really do anything much. I wanted to get out of the house and make plans, but it was abandoned very early on in the day when I realized that all I wanted to do was spend the day watching Scandal. I'm done with all the episodes, and I must say that it's really worth the watch. I'm sure there are plenty of dramas of similar caliber actually, but I don't think I'd ever want to invest so much time in anything again. While I loved the show, I really should be doing some other stuff. There's much work to be done!

Tomorrow, I'll get back on track. Busy busy busy.

Anyway, I'm still working on my Illustrator skills. It's going moderately well. Have a look see at what other stuff I've created. It can be polished up, but I like where I'm at, provided that the only teacher I have is whatever resources I can find online.

So trend.

Was feeling patriotic.

School stuff!

I hope that you've had a wonderful Vesak Day. The next long weekend will only be at August, so brace yourselves...it's going to be a doozy.

Take Stock.

I just finished watching Fast & Furious 5. It was okay, I guess. They did a lot of things right. I think the performances of the actors were excellent, and the effects were mind-boggling too, if you think about it. The movie had a really slow part in the middle...but thankfully, I slept through it. When I woke up, I managed to get caught up with the plot quickly enough.

Two weeks into my internship, and I guess I'm learning as much as I can. I'm trying to impress my bosses, do my best, and in general, be a good intern. I think I need to be more outspoken though. Some of you may not believe me when I say that I'm meek, but I am. I'm like a mouse, sometimes. I'd rather be left alone, doing my own things, like how right now, I'm in a room and there's a beer in front of me, and all I can hear is my typing and the slow but reassuring hum of the computer.

I've learned quite a bit about the industry and the processes that go on behind advertising. In terms of real actual tangible skills, it isn't much though. Oh well. I guess I have to acquire those on my own. And as such, I've been studying Illustrator. It's difficult, tedious...but a large part of me can't wait to produce magic. Mmm, to put it simply, there are two ways to approach a problem. The first is to just tackle it head on, and the next is to explore all your possible options before taking the approach you think that works best. In this case, I'm learning as much as I can about Illustrator, and then I'm going to tackle this Marketing problem head on.

Some might see this as procrastination, but I'm hoping that this slogging will pay off better both in the short run and the long run.

Somehow, when I'm blogging, I always return to that question of what is the meaning of life, and what is the meaning of all this in general. We're all so busy scurrying about, going from one place to the next, just living, but what's it for and why do we do what we do? Going to my internship, I get to interact more with working adults, and it's different, and they're different, and I wonder what my mindset will be like when I'm their age.

I'm still harbouring hopes that one day, I'll break out of the cycle. Like one of those Fast & Furious guys....do something awesome, earn money, and then live off that money for the rest of my life doing whatever I wish. If only. Okay, I'm going to sign off here. Tomorrow is Vesak Day. I wish all those who celebrate it a very happy one, and all those who don't....well, enjoy the long weekend.

I love you all more than my heart can take.

Let Me Illustrate.

Been playing around with Adobe Illustrator as part of some marketing thing. I took up the responsibility of doing marketing for my CCA - I felt like my abilities with Photoshop is severely lacking, and Photoshop itself has many limitations...so I've decided to expand to Illustrator. 

It takes some getting used to, but once you grasp the basic ideas, it's actually quite intuitive. I've been following some tutorials online, and below are some of the things that I've done. They look reasonably presentable, but that's only because I've been following the tutorials really closely.

Playing with logos!

Pixel Danny Zuko. So cool.

Now let's put him in a forest. With birds!

Aztec yo.

Yeah, so that's what I've been up to. I really want to write more, but this is quite pressing as well, and it's fun. You can only do so much with your limited time. I guess just do what you can lor. Cheers everyone. I'll put up more of my Illustrator stuff here. :)

Random Thoughts

1. I want to watch The Great Gatsby with full knowledge that I'm going to hate it just to justify my feelings that it's a horribly over-hyped movie which will fail to do justice to the book. To me, The Great Gatsby was never about the spectacle, which is so over the top in the movie. So basically, I just want to watch the movie to prove myself right, and to be able to confidently say that it isn't good.
2. Tumblr is indeed full of porn. Even the most innocent sounding tags have horrible (and sometimes gay) outcomes. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
3. The past few days, I've been having lunch at Chinatown. The food is ridiculously cheap, yet amazingly delicious. I learned that it is true what they say, how places with long queues have nicer food. Tried it out for a few days, and crowd mentality (at least, this form of it) has yet to fail me. Being in Chinatown really brought home the point that the Singapore food culture is at a very precarious state - most of the food stall owners are elderly, and it doesn't look like anyone will be replacing them when they retire.
4. Some people can live their whole life without exercise. How does that work? The moment I stop exercising, I become fatter. It's sad but true.
5. Tissue paper is one of the best inventions in the world. It's usefulness knows no bounds.
6. Sometimes you're going to make decisions that you'll regret...but no matter what, you'll be able to live with it. Accept the things that you can't change, and make the most out of them. To be honest, the internship I'm having now is not the best I can find....but it's the only one I've got now. I'm going to learn as much as I can, put in my best, and next year, I'll just go to a better one and own over there.
7. There's this place called Dr Coffee Cafe, or something like that. I wonder what would happen if I go there and ask for an MC...
8. Absolutes don't exist.
9. I'm really bad at replying to people. I think it's a character flaw that I need to work on. I can be in the moment, but if I'm "out" of the moment, it's very difficult to get me in. My mind just drifts away to whatever's in front of me. 
10. I read this somewhere: procrastinators aren't people who are lazy. They're people who are afraid of how they'll be perceived for the things that they produce. It's not laziness - it's fear. 

It's that damn fear which is holding you back. Don't let it.

GIFS BABY GIFS.

Did you hear? Yahoo! is acquiring Tumblr! It still remains to be seen how this will all turn out, but I guess this calls for a...GIF PARTY.

Wait a moment. I think I went overboard.

Oh well. I hope you still love me. Over and out. 

Anyway, I'm hoping that Yahoo! doesn't do too much to interfere with the way Tumblr works. It's a wonderful medium and the world will be a worse place without it. Also, GIFS BABY GIFS.

Gladiator in Suits.

I spent a large part of yesterday evening and the most part of today watching this show called Scandal. It's amazing. I can't begin to express how much I like the show. It's fast-paced, the characters are intriguing and the plot is full of amazing, mind-blowing twists. I'm not a big fan of shows which are longer than 30 minutes, but with this one, time freaking flies. True, it can get preposterous, but it's fun fun fun.

It follows Olivia Pope, a former Communications Director of the White House. She's now works as a crisis manager and heads a team of talented (and quirky) individuals. If you need something done, you go to Olivia Hope. If there's a murder, or a kidnapping, or cover-up and you can't go to the police for some reason, you go to Olivia Hope. She's a "fixer"; she fixes things, and she's damn good at it. She knows what to say and what to do. If she can't do something, chances are, she knows someone who can.

Meet Olivia Pope.

But she's not perfect. Like I said, she's a former employee of the White House. Nobody leaves a job at the White House...unless something big happened. 2 years ago she helped put the current POTUS into the office, Fitzgerald Grant. She was one of the campaign's directors, but she was so much more as well. They were having an affair (GASP). She quit to get away from that but somehow, she keeps getting dragged back to the Oval Office.

Every week, Pope & Associates deal with a different crises. It's interesting to see how Pope deals with them as they come. As the setting is the White House, a lot of the crises are related to political scandals. It's quite accessible though, so you don't need any prior knowledge of how the US political system works. The show reveals a lot of the spin that goes into politics, how messages are framed, and the various cover-ups.

Pope & Associates. Gladiators in suits.

In addition to the weekly crises, there's a major plot going on just beneath the surface. Something big is always going on in the White House, and if there's something that needs to be fixed, Olivia Pope is the woman for the job. But you know how it is in the White House, nothing is what it seems and you never know the lengths that people are willing to go to protect their own asses. The show keeps you guessing constantly and never fails to surprise you at each and every turn.

Just earlier, I was shouting expletives at my laptop, a whole string of them. I did this several times today.

The heart of the show is Olivia Pope, who is played by Kerry Washington. I've never heard of her, but apparently, she's famous in the states. Her performance is dang compelling. The first season of the show (which is only 7 episodes) focuses a lot on her, but as the show progresses, the other characters step out of her shadow to reveal their own depth, complications, and agenda. The satisfyingly juicy plot is accompanied by well-developed and human relationships - stuff you get from Grey's Anatomy (which is probably because the showrunner is Shonda Rhimes who brought us Grey's Anatomy).

In addition to Olivia Pope, there's her team, her whole host of clients, the staff of the White House, and most importantly, the motherfucking POTUS.

An affair at the White House? Familiar plot, but it's fucking awesome. Also, not a spoiler.

So I'll just leave this post here. At first, I was really skeptical because the words "lawyer" and "gladiators in suits" were being thrown around. I guess it's a necessary hook to build an audience. Thankfully, it gets dropped within the first few episodes to focus on the really good stuff. Season 1 has only 7 episodes, while season 2 has a whopping 22 episodes. It has been renewed. Who knows how things will unfold in Season 3, but the first two season has received critical praise.

The show is immensely popular in the United States, where it's ratings beat the hugely popular Game of Thrones. It's also one of the most tweeted-about show, gathering over 350,000 tweets during it's season finale. In fact, it's lauded as a show which built it's success on Twitter - people make time to watch the show just so they can take part on the social conversation. I think it's quite cool that I found out about the show on Twitter as well; I saw several of the celebrities I follow tweeting about it (P!nk, Lena Dunham and the cast of Community), and I simply had to check it out.

And you should too. Catch you tomorrow. I'm going to catch one more episode before I go to sleep.

The full cast! They're lots of fun.

Bonus Tumblr gif.

Pause and ask yourself whether you're happy. Nod fiercely.

Today marks my first ever proper weekend after a week of internship. It's not bad. I spent a lot of it catching up on my other work, which consists of doing the Marketing for one of my CCA's events, and also...a certain Art project which I've signed up for.

For the Marketing gig, I need to know my way around Photoshop. I can do the most basic of everything, but nothing too mind-blowing. I'm teaching myself as I go along. Hopefully, I can be up to scratch soon. Working with words is really easy. Just change the placement, alignment and size of the words to something which is pleasing to your eye. 

From Norwegian Wood.

Current FB Cover.

I don't really know what I can say about my Art project for now. It's not even confirmed yet. But below is a sneak preview of what I have in my mind. Yeah, it's strange.

I tried to do a bit of writing today as well. It...didn't really go anywhere. I think my mind was just elsewhere; I was thinking about the work that I had to submit, and the other work which I hadn't touched. Maybe writing requires a total vacuum. I need the discipline to be able to call upon that vacuum whenever I need to, or else, I'm not going to go anywhere. Peace. Also, I'm listening to Vampire Weekend's new album, rereading 1Q84 and watching Scandal. I ate nice cake this afternoon too.It's nice to be alive.

The Misguided Modernization of our Heroines

Recently, Disney got flak for it's decision to make the protagonist of Brave, Merida, more effeminate, to welcome her into the ranks of the Disney Princesses. In her transformation, she's become curvier, has more luscious lips and is wearing a nicer dress with golden details which reveals more of her shoulder. Gone too is her trademark bow and arrow. Essentially, they shaped our red-haired heroine into an all-too familiar figure which girls are supposed to look up to, and model themselves after.

I honestly don't know what to make of this issue. On one hand, it's the forces of demand and supply which dictates that these sort of characters be made. We want them, and Disney (and other companies) gives them to us. But on the other hand, we can argue that they are distorting our view of what is acceptable and what is normal through the perpetuation of this misguided notion of what a woman should be - slim, doe-eyed, smiley and seemingly subservient (I may be reading this wrong). 

Just take a look at the Disney Princesses...they all look the same! Even Mulan! Mulan was a gangster! That girl from Tangled whose name escapes me isn't even supposed to have long hair anymore, yet here she is...simply because it fits the image better! And if you look at the picture of Merida above, you'd see that the one on the left doesn't fit, while the one on the right totally does.

The worrying thing is that this is a trend happening across the board. Look at Tinkerbell and her sexy fairies! They're supposed to be fairies but they're so...sexed-up, and they're all of one shape - slim, with nice legs (yes, I said it). Now the thing is, a part of me is thinking that we should indeed strive to be like this...because it's healthy. But the thing is, it's an exaggeration of what being "healthy" is. Sometimes, no matter how much you diet or exercise, you're not going to fit into the image that popular media is saying you should fit into.

Tinkerbell is curvier than Shakira.

To some people, this is going to cause lots of pain and torment, because they literally starve themselves just to get that look. It also sets a climate whereby we are judged by society based on unrealistic standards set by the popularized norms. It's a vicious cycle - society influences the media and the media influences society, and both influence the way we behave. The way it's going is sadly not to our favour. We are destroying ourselves as we try to turn into something that we're not.

Take a look at similar transformations of our favourite heroines.

Dora the Explorer. #whatpubertydidtome

Not sure what this is, but the 'before' photo is super hipster.

How do you ride horses in such tiny skirts?

This isn't too bad actually.

Where's the Snooki one?

So what does beautiful really mean? The modernization of female characters seem to suggest that the ideal girl is slim, big-eyed, smiling, with nice proportions. To me, beauty is about being comfortable with your own body - taking ownership of it...exercising and dieting if there are things you want to change, accepting certain things that you can't. Some people just complain that they're fat, or getting fat. Just exercise, or eat less, or maybe accept that that's just how things are meant to be. Accept it.

Do what you can. Make peace with the things that you can't change. Be nice. Don't judge. We are not plastic dolls or drawings. We are so much more than our fat thighs, or lack of height, or manly hands, or weird noses. Let's get real. Raymond out.

PS: This post feels a little rushed, but I hope you get a gist of what I'm trying to say. I'm still trying to get the hang of working, and haven't had as much time to devote to this. I'll get my shit together soon, I promise.

Missed Post

Sorry I missed today's post. I was out watching Star Trek: Into Darkness. It's pretty damn good. Shall do up a review soon. Life is okay.

Shit days, they come and go.

How can you believe in a God when bad things happen over and over again? Okay, good things happen too, and I'm really thankful for that, but how do you explain all that nasty-ass shit that happen? Some may say that it's there to test you, or to make you stronger, but isn't it possible to also believe the reverse, that we have an evil God, and his nature is to make our lives difficult, and he throws good things in our way to throw us off and give us false hope (only to crush us once more)?

Religion is a matter of faith, they say. I have no problems with having faith in real things; I have faith in my friends, I have faith in myself, I have faith in my family, I have faith in humanity, that we're inherently good. I have faith in real things, but to have faith in God seems far-fetched to me. But maybe that's because I don't feel him in my life. If you do, then good for you.

I'm having an especially bad day today. I fell sick and it's only my third day of work. It's highly possible that it's because of the new office environment - the dust or the fengshui perhaps weren't in my favour. I was sneezing the whole time, and I ran through packets after packets of tissue paper. My colleagues were really concerned. There wasn't much to do in the afternoon as my supervisor went off to meet some clients. She told me to go see the doctor. I did, and I got medicine and MC for 2 days. I can't use it though. I mean, it's only my first week. What kind of shitty impression would I be giving?

I fall sick way too easily, and I don't know why, and I hate it. It hasn't been much of a problem, because during school time, you can do things at your own pace. You can rest whenever, work whenever, take a day off when you want to. It doesn't work like this in the real world. If this keeps up, it's going to suck big time. Now, my body's aching, my eyes are watery and itchy and my nose is running like a broken tap. I'm missing my usual run, and I think I'll have to skip gym tomorrow morning. I feel unfit, like a piece of shit, consequently. I can't even rest properly because there's work to be done. Not internship work, just...work in general.

So there's that. And my internet connection is giving me problems again. It's been like that for the longest time actually, but it's been worst the past two days. Every other page I go to will show some sort of error, and I can't even load YouTube videos properly. The internet is...this wonderful thing. It's like Narnia. It's the window to the bigger world, and I feel like...with a a proper internet connection, I can conquer the world. I honestly do. With my internet connection like this, I feel like my arm has been severed right off. My frustration is off the charts. I punched walls and shit, it was bad. Now it's relatively stable, but if it breaks down again, I'm going to throw my laptop to the ground, jump at the pieces, burn them, and laugh maniacally, all before typing out a harshly-worded letter to Singtel.

My body is shitty, my internet is shitty, I can't work properly and the only reliable source of comfort are my books. I feel fat, and I really want to go for a run, but I can't. I really want to go to the web and be inspired by cool stuff, watch funny videos and be entertained for awhile before getting some stuff done, but I can't. Why do these things happen? Does somebody hate me out there? No. That's just how life is sometimes. There will be good days, there will be bad days.

Just don't make the terrible mistake of thinking that a bad day makes for a bad life. I hope I get better tomorrow. I hope the whole world gets better tomorrow. Peace. Love. Leave a comment if you want to do sex with me. Ignore that last sentence, that was the sickness typing.

The Man, The Lake, The Rock and The Baptism.

I asked myself who I really was and why I was alive in the first place and of course I had no clue. I searched within the grooves of my soul, and it wasn’t there. Inside the wrinkles of my brain, and the depths of my eyes as I stared at the mirror. There was nothing, and I felt empty inside. My heart beat makes a hollow sound against my chest. It is loud and I am reminded about how empty things make the most noise sometimes.

Standing in front of the lake, I tried to make a rock skip. It hit the water and sank to the bottom instead. It went straight down, and it made no bubbles, only ripples. In a sense, I was like that rock. They’re asking me to bounce on the water, but rocks aren’t made to do that, and even when they do, they still sink eventually. At the bottom of the lake is an abundance of rocks, and other things which are slave to gravity.

Sinking isn’t so bad, I think to myself as I stand in front of the lake. The world beneath the surface of water called out to me like a dying soldier. My reflection on the water looked up at me, and I marvelled at how much more perfect it looked as compared to me. The reflection had no past, no regrets, no pain
.
I took of my shirt and then my pants until only my boxers covered my modesty. With great care, I folded my clothes and laid them aside. These were futile and pointless actions, because I was going to drown myself. But what about everything else that I have done up to this point? Were they futile and pointless too? Probably. It was like laying down bricks of gold on a path which leads nowhere. The cold air gave me goose bumps. I looked around to make sure that I was alone.

Indeed, I was. It took me two hours to get to this lake. It was a walk, and then a bus ride, and then a long struggle through the jungle. The jungle I went through was dark and strangely devoid of life. The branches and shrubs scratched at me as if they were trying to stop me from going further. I ignored them. After a while, my phone lost it’s signal. I ignored the missed calls and unread messages, and I dropped it in the jungle, where it will stay for a really long time. The phone, unlike leaves and fallen trees, would not be accepted by the soil.

Emerging through the forest, I felt born again, and I had to chuckle at the irony of it all.
The sun, the rocks, the clouds, the trees all bore witness to my ultimate act. Here I go. I thought back to my life and I could think of nothing worth noting. My teeth started to chatter as hints of the evening started to show, and the sun started to set. The sun’s glow made everything look wonderful, even me. I stared at my hands, and I moved my fingers, clenched and unclenched my fist. I looked at the intricate lines and how they danced with my every movement.

Then I remember that these hands have nothing to hold on to.

I jumped into the water finally. I couldn’t tell whether I was falling into the water like the rock, or whether the water was rushing up at me, like an open-mouthed predator. The water rose over my head, and I was underwater. I stayed still in the water, unmoving. The water was peaceful, and it gave me a strange sense of warmth that encompassed my whole being. My body was moved by it’s flow.

I opened my closed eyes and  I saw a deep blue nothing. It was frightening; my mind and my being couldn’t comprehend the concept of nothingness, and something within me snapped like a twig. I tried to take in a breath, instinctively, but underwater, there is no such thing as air. Water rushed into my lungs like thieves in the night. My arms and feet started flailing uncontrollably. My hands made to grab on to something, anything. But I had already made the jump into this other world.

Looking up at the sky, through the water, I could see the setting sun. Everything in this planet grows because of the sun’s presence, I thought. I began kicking upwards, and I reached for it with my left hand then my right, and slowly but surely, I inched towards the sun, and everything else that waited for me above the surface of the water.

I thought back to my friends, my family, my love, and everything that awaited me in the future, that I risked losing by dying there. My head broke through the surface and I inhaled the early evening air. I treaded in the water for a moment, and I embedded into my mind the sensation of falling into nothingness. And I thought about how this wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t know what it was just yet, but I know that it didn’t wait for me underneath the water.

In the sky, a plane flew by. It seemed to crawl along, like a snail. Maybe people were looking down upon this lake, and even though from such high altitudes, I might appear to be only a speck, I am still there nonetheless. I let out a primal scream, and from the trees, a flock of birds took flight, and I felt alive once again.

I swam towards the shore. My clothes, which I had so neatly folded, were waiting for me.

Day Uno

Today marks the beginning of a new phase of life for me. It was the first day of my internship. I put on my black pants, my shirt, my shiny shoes and I combed my hair differently. Leaving the house, I was profoundly aware of how professional I looked. Strangely enough, I didn't feel a shred of fear or hesitation. I felt confident in myself and in my abilities; self-assured, unafraid. All this while, I've been honing myself, educating myself, and now, the real world awaits.

The first day already had a bunch of work waiting for me to get to. I dived in with enthusiasm, and honestly speaking, I can't wait for more things to come. It's plenty exciting. I also like the fact that I can put undivided attention into something during those precious hours of work, and I hope that it will help me reprioritize the rest of my life too. When you have too much time on your hands, you don't maximize it, and it slips through your fingers like liquid gold. Now, I only have a sliver of that, and I'm going to treasure it fully.

Work has been quite interesting. I'm in a local advertising agency. It's small, but it's cozy. I'm the only intern there for now, but I heard that they might be getting one more soon. I hope they get a pretty girl. In the future, I really do want to get into this line of work, and there's nothing quite like an internship to get yourself acquainted with the ins and outs of the industry. I'll do a post about the industry soon, but not now, not yet.

Being at work for most of the day, I'll definitely have less time to blog. I'll still blog everyday; it's just that the content will probably be a lot shorter. Nevertheless, do keep coming back, because I will be here at the same time, and you can listen to me talk about something, even for a little while.

Tomorrow awaits. I"m going for a run and then tomorrow morning, if I wake up early enough, I'll go to the gym. I'm retaining the things which I think are important, like regular exercise, reading and writing, and I'm making do without the more frivolous stuff. I'm saying goodbye to watching repeats of Happy Endings, Community or Parks and Rec at night. I'm probably giving up following The Voice as well; as much as I love it, it simply eats away my time like nothing else on earth.

One thing that I did was delete this game called Tower of Savior from my phone. I get really addicted to things. Like, really really. Anyway, this game is like Candy Crush combined with Pokemon. If you read my last post, you'll know that I love Pokemon, and if you check my activities on Facebook, you'll know that I have a secret passion for Candy Crush. When I found out that there was a game which melded both, I was flabbergasted. I gave it a try, and surely enough, I fell for it like a desperate fool (which I totally am).

I spent every waking hour on the game. On the bus, I'd be playing it instead of reading. I'll go to sleep with my phone beside my head, having run out of "stamina" in the game. When I wake up, I'd spent an extra hour rolling around in my bed, playing the damn game. And it was something that could very much become worse. So yeah, it had to go. If you have more self-control than me, then I fully recommend you playing it. It's quite fun.

Here, have some obligatory screenshot of the game which will illustrate what I'm taking about way better than I can with mere words.

The Title Screen. The art is quite cool.

This is the World Screen. You go to the different lands to clear stages.

You get to build your own team, with your own monsters! Like Pokemon, the monsters can be caught, level up and evolve.

This is the 'fight' screen. Matching three elements in a row will cause the monsters of that element to attack. Fire beats water, water beats plant, plant beats water. Light and dark are mutually exclusive and the hearts replenishes your life.

Unlike Candy Crush or Bejewelled, you can move the block anywhere within an allocated time.This allows for really long combos which gives bonus damage.

Okay, that'll be it for me. I got carried away talking about Tower of Savior. To think that I was speaking so passionately about my internship only a few paragraphs back hahahahaa. At least now, I know for sure that it's out of my system. See you tomorrow!

THE POKEMON X & Y MEGAPOST

Pokemon X & Y is hitting our stores this October. This will be the 6th generation of Pokemon. To date, there's already a whopping 649 Pokemon. The full list of new Pokemon haven't been announced yet, but there will definitely be at least a hundred. Over the past couple of weeks, and over the next few, information has been coming in in drips and drabs. With this post, I'm just going to catch (heh) all the information out there and put them into one place.

The new logos.

HERE WE GO.

Pokemon X & Y

As you can probably tell, there's a break in the pattern here. It's no longer colours! Perhaps they ran out, but yeah, X & Y is some...DNA-related stuff. The two legendaries are Xerneas and Yveltal. These are pain in the asses to pronounce. Anyway, they look mildly bio-inspired, and I've read somewhere that their design has roots in biology.

How is this going to fit into the overarching mythology of Pokemon? Well, it seems like they've got most things covered. We have Pokemon which controls time, space, land, sea, even emotions. Maybe they're man-made Pokemon and they're existence cause a change in the other Pokemons DNA? It's too early to speculate on this one. Some fans are suggesting connections with Norse mythology too.

Meet Xerneas...

...and Yveltal.

Inspired by France?

As you can see from the screenshot below, there's a very French feel to it. The protagonist's fashion sense (or lack of) is very much French, I'm guessing. The aesthetics and locals also carry the same feel. If you squint, you can make out an Eiffel Tower-like structure in the background, and there are even cafes. Black & White was very much inspired by America, and I'm guessing that as with Black & White, X & Y will be French through and through. (Snail Pokemon?)

As usual, the player can choose between a male protagonist and a female one. This time around however, there's the option to adjust the skin and hair colour! This is quite a welcome change - I've always felt like I was being misrepresented in the game. Hopefully, more modifications will be allowed, such as the changing of accessories. I'm not a big fan of the cap with the shades on it. I mean, come on. Even I think it's strange.

Brown people, cheer with me.

The New Pokemon

The starter Pokemon are Fennekin (fire), Chespin (grass) and Froakie (water). The current fan-favourite seems to be Fennekin. I don't really like it though; the head is way too big and there are strange things coming out of it's ears. If Fennekin represents the end of the Fire-Fighting starters though, I'll be glad. Chespin looks way too much like a Digimon. Maybe it's because it's standing on two-feet. I really have high hopes for Froakie's later evolutions.

Inspired by the Firefox logo?

I hope he gets a beard made of bubbles.

Squirrel? Tree otter?

Other Pokemon that have been revealed are Yamchan, the panda-looking creature, Yayakoma, the bird, Elikiteru, the electric lizard and Gogoat. In terms of design, I think that there's way too much going on in this batch of Pokemon, but then again, that's what's been happening in the past few generations, since Ruby & Sapphire. The bird and the lizard are sort of meh for me, but the panda looks cool enough.

What I'm excited about is the goat! It's been revealed that you can actually ride him! That'll be quite awesome! It's something that have been sorely missing in Pokemon - if you can fly on your 'mon, then why can't you ride them as well? In the shots, we see the protagonist riding Gogoat; let's hope that they'll allow us to ride the actual avatars instead of giving us generic ones.

The new Pokedex may also be viewed above - it seems like a slimmer Pokedex which opens outwards; kind of like an S4. The Pokedex have sort of been static in the past years, but maybe they'll surprise us.

The Awakened Mewtwo

'Formes' were introduced in the third generation, I think. These are alternate version of existing Pokemon; in addition to changing in form, they also get new skills and their stats change. Below is an alternate forme of the classic Mewtwo from the very first generation. The design has a lot of strange things going on. I like the halo and horns thing it has on it's head - I think it's a nice tough. But...the ponytail and the chest bone is just...out there. Also, the toes. Got damn it, the toes.

The Awakened Mewtwo may just be the first of many Pokemons with new forms. Maybe it's related to the story-line of X and Y, and how genes play into the game. Perhaps other Pokemon will be 'Awakened' as well; this sort of happened in Diamond & Pearl, where older Pokemon got new evolutions. I hope that they don't go overboard with it. The concept of alternating forms feels too much like Digimon.

...

The Fairy Type?

The last time a new type was introduced was in the second generation with Dark and Steel. Every generation, the rumour mill is abound with rumbling of a new type coming around. This time, the rumbling have more weight to it. The first Pokemon announced after the legendaries and the starters was a new Eevee evolution - Sylveon. The existing Eevee evolutions already cover a whole bunch of types - so where does Sylveon fall into? It's not psychic - maybe it's normal? But it's too radical a step from the already normal-type Eevee.

Rumour has it that it's going to be a Fairy-type! No official word out, but I've read some posts in the forums saying that a whole bunch of Fairy-types will be released. Also, some of the originals will be converted to Fairy-type. Examples are Jigglypuff, Clefairy (duh) and maybe Mew?

Too many ribbons.

So yeah, a new generation, in a new land, with new protagonist, and more importantly, new Pokemon. I've been a big fan since I was 10; I grew up playing this game, and have the dubious honour of having played and completed every game. I even bought a DS just so I can play Diamond and Pearl. It's lots of fun, and I just find the idea of walking around and fighting people with a bunch of monsters really cool. 

This new game will be released exclusively for the 3DS, so make a mental note that you'd need to get one as well if you want to play this. Or find a friend who'll be willing to let you use his. Anyone out there want to be that friend to me? Please? Pretty please with a pokeball on top?

PS - Most images taken from Serebii.net

Random fanart: